Friday, December 31, 2010

The New Year is here!

So out with 2010 and in with 2011. I suppose this is the blog where I am supposed to reminisce on what happened during the past year and weed out what I learned. But I really don't think that is what I am going to do. To me it would feel false to write something like that, posing as some time of wise woman on her hilltop handing down sage council from the numerous experiences life has handed down to me.


Time passes, things happen, people learn from them and continue with life. It is that simple. Nothing magical, nothing mysterious, nothing special. Just an occurrence that happens to all of us, every day of our lives. So this year, I will dispense with the self reflection in lieu of something else.


Though just as cheaply thin and nonsensical as reflecting on a year past, I have decided to talk about what I plan for this up and coming year. I plan to be completely and wantonly selfish this year. I have watched as colleagues of mine have their lives unfold before them while it feels I am still in a holding pattern. Well I am done with that.


I am done walking down the path that leads to nothing, nothing and more nothing, being promised that somewhere at the end will be the rewards for the all the blood, sweat and tears that I continue to spill on a consistent basis. No, I fully intend to take a detour. For once let myself be distracted by things I have wanted to accomplish and have always told myself "I will do that later". Well later is now.


That is my goal. To do the things that I have put on hold, waiting for some undefined moment when my life would allow me to do them. And fuck everything else that decides it wants to get in my way.


Happy New Year.

Monday, December 20, 2010

New writing project

Yeah, at it again. Always something else that I slate for myself, even though so many other projects lay unfinished. I always tell myself that I will get around to them some time. Probably should be a bit more disciplined about that. Anyway...

I had an idea pop into my head right before NaNoWriMo and shelved it for December. I have been working on bits and pieces and already I have hit part of a snag. It is crazy long. And when I mean crazy long, we are looking at book series. Or one of those huge, could kill a small dog, J.K. Rowling tomes.

I always seem to be that I make a story so much longer than what it has to be. The story could be about some man who is striving to be great, but for some reason I decide to start the story when he is 8 years old. Why do I feel the need to lay down so much ground work for a character? I mean it really isn't all that necessary. In fact, parts like that can be kind of boring. It reminds me of the days when I read books that you had to trudge though the first couple of chapters before the story got good. I am not really interested in doing something like that. At least not on purpose.

And coming up with names for the characters in this new story is quite brutal. I used to have a program called TableSmith on my laptop. But I dropped it and there went that. I might have it on the backup that IT made for me. I haven't checked. I am not sure why names are difficult this time around. I guess it is because I am looking for a certain sound or a certain feel to a name. A lot of times I believe that I am just thinking too hard. And that small amount of the time, I just let myself give into it.

I keep telling myself that I should write out everything I want to and then throw out all the bad stuff later. But for now, just let myself enjoy everything I want to do. Enjoy writing about mundane and monotonous tasks, even if I know that all of it is going to be scrapped. Write badly and hopefully a seed of something good will salvaged from amidst all the atrocity.

I have hit a point in my life where I wish I had several months were I did not need to do anything. I wish I could pack my things and live in some lakeside cabin (this is beginning to sound a bit like Secret Window) and just do nothing but write. No distractions, just me, some writing aids, and my imagination. But I am getting off topic and starting to ramble.

So yes, new writing project. I have done a small bit of writing on it. I feel like I am only scratching the surface of things in the story and there is going to so much to tell. And already I am starting to get lost in it. But it is the good typed of lost. It is the parts of the story that you have muddle through in order to make the jump from scene A to scene B.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Michael Buble' Crazy Love Tour = Best Concert Ever

I has been bummed out a while ago when I saw that Michael Buble' was going to be performing in Atlanta. So close and yet so far away from me. So imagine my shock and surprise when I caught a commercial saying that Micheal Buble' was going to be bringing the Crazy Love tour to the Bridgestone Arena. Right smack in my backyard! There was no thought involved. I wanted tickets and I wanted them yesterday.


Of course the tickets I would have loved would have been right on the floor in front of him, but what I could afford (and what was left over) were the ones in the nosebleeds. I was okay with that though. I was there to hear the man sing. I could get over not being able to see every detail of his face. (Of course that was rectified by the large screens that were placed on either side of the stage.)


So fast forward to the night of the concert. It was my first time ever at Bridgestone Arena. And I had not been to a concert since 2003 or 2004. My seat wasn't that bad, actually. I was very happy about that. The opening act was Naturally 7. Honestly, after hearing them, I could have picked up purse, put on my coat and went home. They are really good. They are a group of men that do vocal play. I had never heard of vocal play until that night. I just remember my mouth falling open several times as these guys used their voices to mimic instruments. It honestly sounded like there was a band up on stage with them. But nope, just those 7 guys. (Very happy that I saw some black men that have decided to do more than rap and talk about sex all the time.)


Describing what it was like hearing Michael Buble' sing live...can that even by done? The fan girl inside of me spun herself dizzy as the lights went off inside the entire arena. The only thing you could see were the swirling logos on the white curtains on the stage. Then the intro to "Cry Me A River" (my favorite song on the Crazy Love cd) started to play and the entire place went crazy. People started screaming like mad. I can't lie, a huge smile was plastered on my face and refused to come off.


 The curtains pull back, the live band is playing and there he is, Michael Buble, standing there in his black suit and tie. Oh God, I wanted to squeal like a tween at a Justin Bieber concert. Oh this concert was everything I wanted and them some.


This show delivered everything. Buble' has a tickling sense of humor and can really perform to a crowd. I left there thinking that every penny I used on that ticket was well spent and I would do it again. People were singing along, dancing in the aisles, clapping and cheering. It was three hours of some of the greatest fun I have had in a long time.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

A lot about nothing

I am pretty sure that this is going to be one of those blogs that is about nothing. So if you skip reading this one, it won't hurt my feelings in the least.


The past week has been pretty hard for me for some odd reason. I think it is the combined effects of it getting so dark so early and me wanting to go home for the holidays. This time of the year always seems to be really hard for me to get through. I always feel listless, lethargic and depressed. And I can almost mark it down to the day when it is going to start. 


This is probably the third year this has happened to me. I am not sure why this is happening now. I never remember having issues with this when I was younger. Sure, I was always ready for Christmas break to start, but I never remember feeling so bad right before the holidays.


Now, I am not writing this so people can read it and feel sad for me. Quite the opposite. Now that I am aware as to what is going on, I am starting to be pro-active about it. The moment I feel depression starting to sink in, I start cutting on all the lights and opening up all the windows. I put on the happiest music I can find or listen to something uplifting (usually Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyers or Creflo Dollar). I don't dwell on those dark thoughts that try to barrage my brain. Instead, I busy myself with something that is productive and has some type of completion attached to it. Something I can feel good about finishing.


I am not sure if this is just some stage I have fallen in and one day I will not have to worry about this any more. Or is this something that I will always have to stay on top of and make sure that it doesn't devour me because I am not paying attention. But as for right now, I am do my best in order to keep myself together as I patiently wait for the days to become warmer and longer.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

WoW has eated my brain...again

For those of you who have not been paying attention, World of Warcraft's newest expansion is coming out in 6 days. Now me, being the good little med student that I am, I had sworn off playing WoW about a year ago. Came back and played around for a month, 6 months ago, and had not touched the game since. But when my life took an unforeseen turn, I fired the game back up, just to see what was going on. And just like that, I was sucked right back into the habits of old. And oh, did it feel ever so good.


I came back right in time to play a bit before the Shattering. And now that Patch 4.0.3 has come, oh my God! It is like having a new game before the actual new game. And I could not be happier that everyone will be coming back to the Old World now. And there is a portal for Hyjal in Stormwind! How cool is that?! 


And I think the greatest thing was that even though I had been off the game for quite some time, there were people who still whispered me from the days when I rped quite a bit. Made me feel good that I was remembered.


In a buying spree, I went ahead pre-ordered Cataclysm. I have already made spaces for my goblin or worgen or both. (I am quite the altoholic) I have come to realize that no one ever fully quits WoW. You just take a break from it. Some are longer than others. But you are destined to come right back to it some day. And trust me, when you do, it feels just like coming back home.


So here's to more fun times running through my pixelated world.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Penning a Novel #7- It's all over

So as of the middle of last week, I have officially quit NaNoWriMo. I just couldn't make myself write any more. So the official ending count for me was just a little over 20,000 words. Yeah, pretty poor showing. However, I got done what I wanted to get done. I finally sat down and wrote out several children's books that I have been brainstorming for almost a year, since the character mysteriously made her way into my sketch book. So I am not going to be too down on myself.

I might do some more writing during the Thanksgiving holiday. But with family around, a Xbox and a Wii at my disposal, and more good food than I can stand, I don't see any writing going on. At least not on this particular project. I did however start on a script before NaNo and shelved for when this was done. So perhaps I should pull that out and see how far I get with it. It feels really promising.

I wish I had something more exciting to tell you. I wish I could say that "Hooray, I won for a second year in a row" but that is just not the case. I suppose the lesson here is when something isn't working, take a step away from it and see what the problem is. And know when to say when.

I guess I knew it was a monumental task to write 25 short stories in a month. Especially since the short story is not my cup of tea. I have never written anything that was a collection or had a parade of the same characters over and over. Most of my stories were stand alone. So doing something like this was a learning experience. I could get used to the short story format I suppose. But I do believe that I will always be a novelist at heart.

So curtains have closed for me this writing season. Hopefully I will be more successful next year.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Penning a Novel #6

Today is the halfway mark (well technically tomorrow, but my region is having the party today). So what have I gotten done up to this point? Well I have written out 5 stories so far. 4 of them are fully done and 1 I started last night at the Comix City Too write in. Let's talk about that write in, shall we?


First off, I twas very very productive for me. At the end of the night I was able to write over 3,000 words. So that made my very happy. Secondly, let's talk about the actual store. Oh, I feel like I have found my nerd center hang out spot. The comic shop I have ever been in was when I was in high school and that place had a cave sort of feeling. Not the most well lit and welcoming of places. This place was quite the opposite. It had the feel of a small private owned book store. But instead of rows and rows of books, it was rows and rows of comics.


Off to the side of the store was a sort of gaming area. It was simply long white tables with folding chairs, but from what I heard, it gets packed in there some nights. Last night, they were running a D&D campaign. I couldn't really tell what the campaign was about exactly, but all the maps, miniatures and dice made me remember the days when I used to do that with my Saturday nights. It also made me wonder if I would ever join a game again.


I heard that the night with the most activity is Friday night where they play their Magic games. Again a nerd tingle went down my spine. I have yet to open the decks that I was given at GMX. 


So yes, back to the actual writing. The way they did Word Wars was really interesting. You had to pick a certain colored popsicle stick from the Box of Doom and then write the amount of words that were on the stick. It was pretty interesting. I won my first word war, missed the second by 97 words, and the last one was a complete wash. I liked the fact that you had a word war against yourself and not against the other people sitting around the table.


The write in was really good fun and sharing the space with the D&D guys was an added bonus. In fact, I think I recognized one of them from GMX. The shop owner was really nice and let us stay there way past close. I'm sure he would have let us stay until the wee hours of the night (that D&D game didn't look like it was anywhere near over), but around 10, we decided it was time to pack up, head home and call it a day.


I liked being there with the others. I liked the way their minds worked. If I had more to time, I would have loved to hang out with them and picked their brains a bit more. For some reason, I always thing that the stories that I am writing are off beat or is not as exciting as what others are doing. Therefore no one would take interest in them. But the fact that these guys had an immediate answer to my "What type of ice cream do you think would be a little kid's favorite?" question with something that was really awesome, made me feel better somehow. 


I do not know if I am heading out to the Halfway done party today, but I do feel very re-energized and still striving to hit 50k by the end of the month.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Why is everyone angry?

To me it feels like the default attitude of the internet these days it to be angry and upset about something. And it can be a number topics, or not even a topic at all. Just mad to be mad. Angry with the world because negative is the new black. I don't really understand this at all.


Now I get ranting about something you are passionate about. I get blowing steam and venting because something/someone has angered, hurt or offended you. But to be in that state of mind constantly? That is what I don't understand. It is like some people out there just look for things to be unhappy and angry about.


Maybe I am just too laid back for my own good. Maybe I am too much of a pacifist and should take up arms over something and get mad about it. Whenever I find out what that something is, I will make sure to make angry blogs about it. Until then...anyone want a cookie? 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Penning a novel #5 - Writing is Brutal

Ah yes, the infamous second week blues of NaNoWriMo. Don't feel like writing anything. Think I should come up with a new idea. I just feel like I am clawing at a creative wall that I just can't get over. And now I am writing so sloppy. Of course that my inner editor who is just twisting herself into knots on how bad the writing is and I refuse to stop, go back and fix it.


There are so many gaps that I am leaving in the stories I am writing. It is like I only write the nucleus of the story just enough to get the main point of it and then move on to the next one. I am not even bothering with the opening or the ending any more. I just don't feel like being bothered with it, because all the beginnings are all the same. And that is not at accident, I sort of want it to be that way. Each story with start the exact same way, that way it doesn't matter if you read the books out order. None of the stories assume that you have been introduced to the characters before. But writing it over and over again, just feels redundant and boring.


I suppose I just have to push through until I hit that writing sweet spot where I am nothing but a typing machine and couldn't stop myself if I wanted to. I am just hoping that my laptop gets here really soon. My desktop is a great computer, but sitting in this corner just makes me feel sleepy. And being curled up on the couch on the couch while I write is just so much more comfortable.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Penning a novel #4

This is the post where I whine about how difficult the writing has become instead of doing some actual writing.I am about 3500 words behind at this point. I hoping that being home for a weekend that I don't have to study will help me catch up and maybe I can squeak in a buffer if I am at all lucky. Friday, I didn't write at all. Instead I played Guild Wars. Mindlessly killing low level things just made me feel good.

The main problem I am having is that I am getting thoroughly bored with these stories. They don't hold my attention at all. They are just way too simplistic and I feel like there needs to be more. But what more could I possibly add? The stories are short (maybe 3k a pop) begins with a problem and ends with a solution. Some of them might even have a moral, who knows. These are the type of stories that need to be floridly described and cleverly set up. These are short and are taken at face value.So about half way through each story, I find myself getting terribly bored and running off to do something else.

Not sure what to do in order to make it more entertaining for me to write.Stories like the ones I am writing need a good illustrator. If you just read the words, it would be okay, but there definitely needs to be some pictures if/when these stories are published.

So right now, I am going to fill my glass and see how much I can write before hitting the sack.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Anime Day and some other stuff.

Some might describe my life as being a bit hectic for the past couple of months. Because of that, I have not been able to keep up with the animes that I normally watch. So today I took some time out to play a bit of catch up.The one good thing about having a bit of a back log is that you get to watch episode after episode until you are tired of watching. When you are all caught up, you can only watch one episode and then you have to wait an entire week before the next one comes out.


For anyone curious, my main animes are Bleach and Naruto. Second string is One Piece and Fairy Tail. I would watch way more, but I don't have time for it.However, I am making a list of what to watch when I go on vacation. Will I get around to it? I have no idea.


I was introduced to www.dafont.com today. While I have been to font sites like this before, there were some pretty ones on this site. I snagged a few that I thought looked pretty. I just might be typing those Christmas cards this year that I was supposed to be doing calligraphy for by hand. Some of those calligraphy fonts were really really nice.


I have a Psychiatry mid-term tomorrow. (Yeah I know, finally talking about some med school stuff). I am feeling pretty good about it. And I like the fact that it is in the afternoon. I'm telling you that 8 am ish is for the birds. So I am going to finish up with my study, cross my fingers and pray everything goes well.


Small noveling tidbit. I'm behind by a day. I am hoping to make it up over the weekend. We will see.I read a small piece of my stories to my mom and sister. They seemed to be entertained. They actually wanted to hear the whole story. I suppose that is good sign. It definitely made me feel better about the direction of my writing so far. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Penning a Novel #3

Okay, so this writing thing is proving to be a bit harder than I had expected. Last year the writing was a bit easier starting off. I'm hoping that this just means I haven't settled into my groove yet.


One of the things that is causing a bit of problem is that I can't write in my tried and true writing spot. Instead I have to write on my desktop, and right now, this area of my house is not that conducive to creativity. And until I get a laptop, I won't be able to go to any write ins either. 


I will be doing the piecemeal writing method this year. There are parts of the story that are pretty solidly hammered out in my head. However, the transition getting those parts aren't all there as of yet.I figure that I will fill those in once I have all the scenes that are set in stone written down.


Writing a child's story is so much different because I feel like my vocabulary has to be extremely watered down. I don't want the characters to sound older than they actually are.I guess the thing that I am fighting in my head is the fact that the story sounds so childish. I mean, in this instance it is a good thing. I am just not used to it.I literally read my story with the voice of a elementary school teacher in my head.


I have come to a terrible realization though. I am close the finishing the first story and am only 1800 words in.If each story is only 2000 words, then I have to write 25 stories in order to make to 50,000. This is a far cry from the " 5 stories at 10,000 words" that I had planned at first. I can't panic about that now, however. I just have to keep writing and see what comes of it.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Being a super critic: My gift and my curse

There are days where I wish I could return the ignorant bliss of years before when I did not critique everything that was put under my nose to read. I want to go back to the times when I could just look at something, understand where the story was trying to go and be okay with the fact that it got there in any fashion possible. Unfortunately, those days have been over for a very long time.And I am stuck with the continuous critic that is perched in mind, ever ready to analyze every written thing.


I can almost pinpoint the time this started exactly. I read something a friend wrote back in the early days of me being a teenager and asked her "so what is the point of all of this? This seems like several pages of nothing." and from then on I was suddenly aware of the inner editor inside of my mind that picked away at every single line of story, poetry, prose, and plot that was set before me. Those things that were still whole after my nit picking were good and those that lied in ruin at my feet were trash and the writer should start over. Or depending how bad, just quit while they were ahead.


I found things that were excellent. Things that when you read them or heard them being recited, just made chills run through you and left goosebumps on your arms. I remember listening to a young woman at poetry slam and the way she formed that fluid collage of vernacular made me want to do the same. To find a way to phrase something so simply and yet with such power; I was envious of that.I wanted to make that ability my own. Word choice, turn of phrase, point of view, all of these things I pay so much attention to because I want to make the reader feel what I am writing.It is not enough for them to simply read it.


But because of this, I pick apart everything and when something just doesn't make the mark, I come away a little...well disappointed and dismissive. I've seen better, I've heard better, I've read better, and for some reason I can't just smile and say "Good job.".Part of me feels wrong of being so hard on someone else's writing. They are putting their thoughts and feelings into words and I should have a bit more leniency. However, I just can't seem to give it. I can only congratulate the person for penning something and then head on my way. "Congrats for making the effort. You can only go up from here.Write more, get better, come back to me when you have improved."


Why is this my gift? Because nothing makes me happier than when I put down something that is wonderfully written. After I have put in the time to make myself better, I finally see something that proves that I have taken a step forward. And I can't do that without picking apart everything and analyzing what made it good and what made it bad.It is what I have to do, because I can't settle for mediocrity.


I feel bad for those who are looking for accolades on their work, because very seldom will they ever be handed out from me. I am not easily wowed at this point in my life. But I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that equation, putting your effort into something only to have it not be well received. It is why I hate that my brain operates in such a manner. I know that people want a pat on the back and a gold star. But I am just not that person. Create something great and I will sing your praises from now until forever. Push mediocrity at me and I can only nod and say "Oh look, you wrote something. How nice."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Penning a Novel #2

4 more days until I start penning my 50,000 words and already I am starting to fret. I am wondering if I can juggle my rotations and write at the same time. It is not the same as when I went to class and wrote. I kind of want to throw in the towel before I start, but I keep telling myself that as long as I write something, I will be okay. Just focus on writing something and don't focus on the volume that has to be written. And I have the ideas planned out already. I just need to sit down and do it.

Of course it is a bad omen that I dropped my laptop and now the screen won't come on. I am hoping that gets fixed in the very near future.If not, I won't be heading to any write ins this year.

That's another thing, I don't know if I can go to any write ins anyway. I wanted to. A lot of them are being held at the Parthenon, and I would love nothing more that to sit  under Athena and pen a novel. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is in the cards for me.

So yeah, 4 days and my inner editor gets tossed in the basement and locked in there for a month while my creative side gets to run amok, unchecked.

GMX Day 3 and wrap up

Yeah, I know, it took me a while to write about the final day. But I will explain why in another blog post. Onto the last day of GMX!

So after two days of going to all these panels and going to a pretty awesome birthday party, there was no way that I was going to make it to any of the morning panels, which was okay since I couldn't see myself going to the Hogwarts High Tea anyway. So that afternoon, I headed to panel that showed us a few tricks on how to make animations without using Flash. Now to me it was just lines and lines of code, but it was simplified in such a way that if I could learn the commands, I could probably input something like that myself. Learning something like that just made my online ambitions and dreams that closer to reality.

The last panel I went to was probably the best one I had gone to since I had stepped foot into the con. It was Intro to Leatherworking. The only thing I knew about leather working was some of the things my sister had said, but not a lot of it had stuck. In this panel, there were two guys who made costumes and props who were giving us all kinds of information on everything they could think of. Paints, dyes, oils, stamps, equipment, different types and weights of leather, molding, anything they could cram into an hour, they did it. And they even passed out some information on a local leather store in Nashville. I left there wanted to make some leather items for myself.

Overall, I think it was pretty con experience for my first con. No, I didn't go around to the tables and buy anything except for an apron. And no, I didn't really do that much mingling aside from tapping people on the shoulder and saying "Do you mind if I take your picture?". But I was there just to sort of feel things out. GMX is a pretty small and young con (this is only the 2nd year) but I think I will probably head out and go next  year. Though some of the panels were a bit weak, I think it was made up for. They had some really great guests and in the end, it is a good show. So if you are ever in the Nashville area, you should definitely check out GMX.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

GMX Day 2

Jazzed from the night before, I was all gung ho to have an awesome time at GMX on the second day. While things weren't bad, they weren't all that stellar either. The highlight of the day had to be Q&A with Chris Judge (Teal'c from Stargate) and getting to watch the short film Nickel Children.


Chris Judge is probably one of the funniest men that I have ever listened to speak. He is quite the character (no pun intended). He made a lot of jokes, told us about all the gags he pulled on the set, writing for his character and pretty much kept the entire crowd entertained for the entire hour. He even talked about what is like to be one of the few blacks in the Science Fiction genre. Unfortunately, all the pictures I tried to take of him were pretty blurry. I'm sure there was some type of photo op with him, but I didn't take advantage of it.


Nickel Children is definitely an interesting film concept. I keep forgetting that science fiction doesn't always have to be set in the future. This film is a steam punk, alternate history, sci fi film. From the beginning, it was interesting. There is a scene where no one says a word, but they really don't need to. As a viewer, you clearly understand what is happening. No one needs to talk. The director and producer said they either want to do it as a feature film or as a web series. Personally, I think I would like it better as a web series. To me, it feels like something that should be watched in pieces instead of in one 2 hour dose.


There was a panel on costume making which was pretty informative. It was called 'Costumes on a Dime'. The person who gave that talk was very...maybe colorful is the best word for it. She gave some really good information on how to pull together a good looking costume without breaking the bank. And she also gave some tips on how to make a good costume. It seems like the bottom line is to be creative and look in expected places for material.


Some of the panels I went to seemed to be a little on the weak side. Either people didn't prep well or they were new to giving panels or something. They just seemed to feel like they lacked something the good panels had. The worst one had to be the Comic Creation panel. I think everything was stacked against this one. Most of the seats were empty. It was out in the atrium, which was open to everything and pretty loud. It was later in the afternoon, so people might have been tired. And the panel was set up as a Q&A, but what they didn't factor in was "What will happen if no one asks any questions?". Watching those three men sit up there and GMX guy with the mic ask if anyone had questions to a dead audience was simply painful. Probably the most awkward hour ever. I asked two questions just so the people on the panel would have something to talk about. There was a lot of time used up by two men bantering between themselves while the third guy just looked as bored as hell. Oh that panel could not have ended fast enough.


I didn't get to see what happened later on that night, because a friend of mine was having her birthday party and I hadn't seen her in a while. But from the looks of it, they had a lot of good things planned. Maybe next year.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

GMX: Day 1

Well let's start off with the fact that my mind has been totally blown by this con and I have a feeling that I might be coming back to this one even after I graduate and leave Nashville. So, Geek Media Expo was something that I just happened to find out about due to Jeph Jacques (creator and artist of Questionable Content) mentioning that he was going to be there. The fan girl in me shrieked with sheer delight and I was determined to get a picture and not trip over my own tongue when I met him.


Last night was the kick off and of course the first thing that catches my eye are the costumes. They were a hodge podge of everything, steam punk, anime, nerd chic, sci fi stuff, movies, Halloween stuff, just a glorious parade of interesting. (I am hoping to get a few pics of the Zombie Walk today.) First panel I went to was all about Magic:The Gathering. I was the only one in the room that hadn't played before. Everyone else seemed to be pro. But I finally know now how this whole game works now. I was totally mystified by it back in middle school. No one would explain to me what was going on. I find it weird how almost 15 years later, I am now in possession of two new decks of my own. (Green and white if anyone cares to know.)


Next panel was all about Steampunk and making costumes. It was kind of a loose panel, but still informative. I knew that steampunk was more that putting metallic looking things on yourself and slapping goggles on your head, but these guys took it to another level. Like I had no idea that there was an American style and a European style of steampunk. And I saw some great costumes. If I go next year, I am going to have to have myself a costume.


The last panel I was in was way over my head and I decided that I was going to head home and get some sleep. It was a discussion about the expanded universe of Star Wars. I read a few of the books they were talking about as a teen, but no where near as many as these guys had. I remember getting laughed at for reading those Star Wars books in high school and now fast foward 10+ years and I'm in a room full of people who read the books, watched the movies, and played the video games.


All in all, I am loving GMX. There was early morning cartoons today, but I decided to spend those three hours getting more sleep. Oh yeah, meeting Jeph Jacques. Can't believe I almost forgot to write about that.


So I have no idea why, but out of my element, I all of the sudden become extremely shy. (I know, unbelievable, right?) So I am basically having an inner debate on whether to go up to Jacques' table and say anything or not. So I decide, yes, go up there tonight because I might lose my nerve later. I'm standing in line and of course the guy in front of me, word for word, tells Jacques exactly what I want to say. "I love your work, I read it all the time, blah blah blah, I'm  huge fan". Great, now what am I supposed to tell him?


To make a long story short, I told him I was a fan, listened to his Ustream, thanked him for introducing me to new forms of music, blah blah blah and then asked him for a picture. He seemed to relaxed and even keeled. I mean why wouldn't he be, GMX is nothing compared to SDCC or NEWW. But him being relaxed made me calm down and I was overjoyed when he said he would take a picture with me. Definitely was the highlight of the night.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Penning a novel #1

Yeah, I know, it isn't November just yet. But I figured that I should write something about the preliminary process.

So instead of going full steam ahead with a single novel, I am going to be writing a collection of short children's stories. They are going to be very reminiscent of books like Magic School Bus and Bernstein Bears, because let's face it, those were some pretty great books growing up. But what came after those books? Did anything take their place? I figured why not try my hand at something like that.

Now children's books is a genre for me. I am much more immersed in fantasy/adventure writing more than anything. And I write drama with heavy doses more than I write sword duels and pistols at dawn. So this may prove to be very easy or more difficult that I thought.

So how to get to 50,000 words? Well I figured that if each story was 10k, I would have to write 5 stories and that would get my word limit. Right now I have brainstormed the cast and I want to play with some of the stereotypes, just a bit. Of course the main kids are going to be of different backgrounds. I want to shy away from names that have been overused when having someone of a certain ethnicity. (There will be no Juans in this book.) And I have decided to make the school teacher a guy. However, the principal will be a girl. (Yeah, not setting the world on fire with the whole gender role thing, but whatever).

I think the main concern is how I am going to introduce the main idea of each story. Something has to happen for the kids to want delve into the topic matter of each book. There are only so many homework assignments the teacher can give. Something to figure out between now and Nov 1.

Kick off party is next Monday. I am crazy excited!

Another hurdle crossed

So yesterday was my Step 1 exam. The exam that I have fretting over, studying for and praying about for months (literally, months). The whole experience was something entirely different from what I expected. I do want to give credit where credit is due however. First and foremost, I know I wouldn't have had my head on straight if I hadn't asked God for help, peace and guidance. Secondly, my pseudo big brother, Ben, who understood everything that I was going through and was there to give me solid game plan. So I was there at the test center, as confident as ever.


I was little amazed at how laid back the atmosphere was. You took breaks when you wanted, ate lunch when you wanted. Got started as soon as you got there. It was just a very odd yet pleasant experience as far as testing went. I had brought some books in order to look at things on my break, but decided against muddling my brain with information. It was all in there, tucked away safely. Just needed to pull it out and put it on the paper...err, computer screen, whatever.


I would also like to thank NuFocus. My dad hit a gold mine when he found this stuff and then sent me some. I was pretty awake through the entire 8 hours and didn't have any caffeine the entire time. And after the exam, I was on the phone for at least an hour. Not a single bit of grogginess whatsoever. However, I did hop in bed afterwards. I like naps and felt I deserved one.


So yes, that hurdle of my life is done. I can now close that chapter of my life and start a new one. One that involves me figuring out real patients. Dun, dun duuuuuun

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Peace that surpasses Understanding

Today had started to be another crummy one. For the past two days, I had done nothing but mope around my apartment, feeling miserable. Depression and loneliness had somehow crept up on me and I made the mistake of pulling out chairs for the both of them and entertaining their company. It wasn't long before they decided to invite their friends: Anxiety and Doubt. Needless to say, by this morning I had let myself sink the bottom of that dark pit and could not figure out a way to get myself out of it.

Sitting on my couch, I reached for several index cards that I had written some Bible verses on. I have been trying to get into the habit of having verses on cards so I can flip through them whenever I want to. I came across Jeremiah 32:27 "Behold I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?". That linked with something I had read this morning ("Your past does not define you") was enough for me to start kicking all these bad feelings out of my head. Then I laid out on my couch and had a conversation with God.

I don't know why I wait until I feel like my world is starting to rip apart before I talked to God. However, I am glad that He still listens, no matter when I decide we have to talk. I got up from the couch feeling a million times better about...everything. I took my cup of coffee and study materials outside on my patio and studied with a new found energy and peace about everything working out.

I Peter 5:7
O Praise Him - David Crowder Band

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Writing Season is almost upon us

Well when the weather starts getting cooler (or whatever it feels like doing here in Nashville) and people start breaking out the hoodies and lightweight jackets, it is sign that writing season is right around the corner.

Yep, that's right. In less than a month's time, I will be furiously crouched over my laptop, trying to hammer out 50,000 words as a participant of National Novel Writing Month. I am going to try and do something different this year. The last two years, I worked on one single work. I think this year I am going to do a collection of stories that sum up to 50,000 words. I'm not entirely sure if this will work. However, I have been wanting to do these stories for a while now. So even if I don't win, I will at least have all my stories done.

Of course the down side to doing several shorter works in lieu of a single long one is that I have to come up with several different plots. I think that might be the snag that gets me. What if I can't come up with enough stories to make the word goal? And on top of that, I changed my genre to one that I have never written before. I just hope that I don't have to change plans mid-November.

So now I have to start brainstorming. Because I thought I wasn't going to do this, this year I didn't plan anything out. Last year, I started brainstorming back in August with a story idea that hit me while I was driving. This year, not only am I starting late, but I am still studying for STEP 1. I almost feel like I am going to be figuring this story out as I go along. Which is going to be a different experience since I usually have a road map to guide me through the story before I even start.

If anything this year should prove interesting. I have a feeling there will be a lot of blogs coming from it at least.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Autumn is here

So it seems like fall is here to stay. Of course it would have been nice not to go from blistering heat to frost on my windshield in 2.5 seconds, but what can you do? Mother Nature always seems to be out of her mind down here. Still, I have to say, that the coming of fall always feels great.

The cool air, the chill in the morning, knowing the leaves are going to change soon. These are all things that I like about Fall. That and I get to wear my skully around the house and I don't feel weird about it. And of course now is the time to bring out the hot chocolate and apple cider. I even bought a new tea mug while I was out getting groceries.

Also, I recently was given some new clothes over the summer, but they were too heavy for the insane heat that was happening at the time. So now I can finally wear them out. And I would have to say that my favorite clothes to wear are fall clothes. Hoodies, skullies, scarves, they just all feel so comfortable to wear.

Maybe this year, I will head out with my camera and see if I can't get some good outdoor pictures of the fall and put together my first blog slide show.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Doing things I thought I couldn't

I told myself that I would write something every day or at least every other day. But it seems like I slipped up this past week. I didn't have a whole lot happen, so I really couldn't think of anything to talk about. So after letting some things culminate, I think I have come up with something.


I had given up on the idea of ever play WoW again and then I accidentally stumbled onto "Choose My Adventure" over at WoW Insider. Just watching Robin Torres play her gnome priestess on the Cataclysm Beta made me long for the days when I was running around on my gnome. And it seems like Blizzard is making a lot of changes for the better. I started getting all these thoughts of starting from scratch and making new characters on new servers. However, I don't have time for that right now. I have so many other things to focus on and give my time over to. I did decide though, once I have graduated from medical school, I will be making my way back into that lovely time sink/money shredder of a game.


Something else that I had given up on was being able to participate in NaNoWriMo. I had just figured that I would never have time to write since I would be starting rotations this year. And from the sounds of it, this year is going to be more intense than my previous years. But after talking to my sister today, it would seem that I might be selling myself short. I am always writing, just not in a focused way where I am cranking out stories that have potential to be sold in book form. So if I just used the time I'm spending playing around with my writing and put it some good use, I could easily participate in NaNoWriMo. Just coming to that realization was so awesome. I do believe it made my week.


So I have several things to do today: Study, brainstorm ideas for November, and take a peek at the new trade that I just ordered "Blackest Night". And maybe if I have enough time, do some sketching. One day, I will post a few things that I'm proud of.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Article in the New Yorker

While sitting and waiting in the doctor's office, I picked up an old copy of the New Yorker and started to thumb through it. There was an article that was written by Oliver Sacks. Now for some reason I knew the name Oliver Sacks, but couldn't figure out why. As I read the article, I remembered (I was supposed to read "The Man who mistook his wife for a hat" but never got around to it.)


The article was one of the most interesting reads that I have in a long time. It was about several patients who woke up one morning and had lost the ability to read while keeping the ability to write (alexia). All of them said something along the lines of, "All the letters look like something from a foreign language that I don't understand." What made some of these patients even more interesting were that they were writers and/or publishers and reading was part of their job.


I wish I had gotten the chance to finish the article before the doctor walked in. I got to the part of the article where one of the patients was trying to see if he could teach himself to recognize words again and teach his mind to understand words the way that a child's brain teaches itself to recognize words and attach meaning to them. Maybe I can read the rest of it on the internet.


And maybe I will finally get around to reading an Oliver Sacks novel.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Still learning myself

There are times when I take an inventory of myself and wonder if I was somehow born into the wrong life. Am I walking down the wrong path? It seems like the things I like to do and the hobbies that I find myself engaging in do not line up with the end game goal that the path I have chosen for life arrives at. And then someone said something to me that made a whole lot more sense.


"Perhaps you are just discovering things about yourself. It's okay to have a hobby that has nothing to do with your career goals."


While it was a very common sense thing to say, that statement cleared up a whole lot. For years, I have had tunnel vision. I have only wanted one thing and have taken a steady course in order to get there. I never stopped for any side journeys along the way, even though I had a deep seated interests in a number of things. I believed that I was only good at a handful of things and there was no reason to expand beyond that. Stick with what you are good at and leave everything else to someone else. However, someone did one of the best things for me that could ever happen. They bought me a sketch book and some pencils.


"Just draw."


Like a gateway drug, that one action opened the floodgates to everything else that I had ever wanted to do, but denied myself the pleasure of doing because it didn't fit into the mold that I had made for myself. But now that I had started to indulge myself, I began to think myself strange. Why was it these things that brought me so much joy? It was as if my brain could not wrap itself around the fact that I could enjoy things that had nothing to do with each other. I always felt like I had to choose. That was until a few nights ago.


I suppose I thought I was too old to be discovering new things about myself. I had assumed that my time of discovery had passed and everything about me that needed knowing and finding out had already been done. But it is sort of exciting to think that I might have a few more things up my sleeve; a few more surprises that have yet to be seen. And they could be coming from places that I least expect.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Church, Football and Comic Pull

Honestly, I couldn't remember the last time I went to church. Easter maybe? Anyway, that was just a sign that I needed to get my hips back in there. I feel like a lot of my life would get back on track if I would get back to doing what it is that I know to do: pray, read my Bible, and get back in church and stay there.


So I was trying my best to make sure to get there on time, but between me not liking the clothes I had picked out and forgetting to gas up the car the day before, I was about 5-10 minutes late. And the high heel shoes I had decided to wear was not helping me get into the sanctuary any faster. However, despite being late, I was ushered up to the third row. That is closest I have ever been, and that counts Bible study. I was right up there with the church mamas and deacons. It was a good thing to, because Bishop was beyond good today. It was like he preached just for me today. Definitely need a copy of today's sermon.


So after church and a late breakfast, it was time to hunker down and get ready for double header Sunday. I don't know if I watch football because I like it or because it reminds me of home. Steelers were awesome against the Titans. Redskins let me down in OT. And tonight, I watched the Colts smash the Giants. All in all, great football Sunday. I am trying out fantasy football for the first time this year. So far my team is in the lead for my match up. Unless something insane happens tomorrow night, I have this one in the bag.


I remembered yesterday that the Blackest Night trade came out this summer and I was supposed to get it. But then I saw that there were several Blackest Night trades and I had no idea which one to get. I got Blackest Night and part of me wanted to get Blackest Night: Green Lantern Corps, but I took a pass on it. I also bought X-Files: 30 days of Night #2 and #3. I am hoping that these were all good purchases. If not, well, I will remember for next time.


I guess it probably a little weird that I order my comics from a shop in Canada. I mean, it would probably be easier to get books here. But ComicPull is connected to The Fourth Wall, run by two really awesome guys. So I definitely want to support them. Plus, most comic stores that I have seen are really creepy. Getting comics mailed to me is a pretty awesome way to get what I want and side step everything I don't want.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Assessments and hate

Do I even know where to start? Today was about the same as any day. Got up and took an NBME assessment to see if I was ready for STEP and it came with a resounding no. So it looks like it will be yet another month before I take that. Part of me is really angry that I can't get this test over and done with already. But I would rather push it back and be ready than to take it and not be ready.


I got a little peeved today over something that should have been a non-issue. But there is something that I just can't let go. And that is when people apologize and in the same breath assert that they were right and they have no idea why you were upset in the first place. Look, either apologize or don't. Don't be dick about it. Because now you are just lying. You aren't really sorry, you are just saying it out posterity. And for some reason the people who pull this maneuver have usually layered the elitism on really thick. And that is another thing I hate with a passion. A holier than though attitude while I'm talking to you is the fastest way to make me hate you.


Again, the conversation that this happened in has nothing to do with life. It didn't even some deep moral issue or beholden belief. It is just the principle of the entire thing that ruffled my feathers. I just wanted to punch the guy in the throat. But you can't do that over the internet. If you could, there would be less flame wars on forums. Every part of me wanted to get snippy and yell "Fuck you, cockbite" but where would that get me? So I just tried to put it out of my mind and go on about my day. 


Think I might be doing some doodling tonight. Not sure what is going to end up on the paper. I never do. Never seem to have any type of direction of what I want to get better at. Another idea is to work on some calligraphy. It's pretty easy to see what I need to do with that. Make my letters better. :P

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Comic books and anime!

So I finally sat down and read Kill Shakespeare #3 today and it was just oh so good! I absolutely love the writing in this book. I especially love the exchanges with Lady MacBeth. I am not entirely sure what makes me like that character. Maybe it is because she is a strong female character and I can almost see the wheels turning in her head. And the way she is drawn just depicts so much attitude. I like her.


Unfortunately, I did not request Kill Shakespeare #2 for my Comic Pull list in time, so there is a gap in my reading. I am not sure why book 3 starts with Hamlet in a forest or why he is throwing up on some fat man. But it doesn't really matter. I was just as immersed in the story as I was when I first opened book 1. I have Kill Shakespeare #4 sitting here, waiting to be read, but I'm saving it. I feel like a kid who has been giving a whole box full of candy and I don't want to eat it all at once.


Stayed up to wee hours of the morning watching Fairy Tail, an anime that zoomed straight to the top of my awesome list. This is probably the first anime where I want to go out and buy the manga. Just like books are better than movies, I have a feeling that the Fairy Tail manga is better than the anime, and the anime rocks! At least it does in my opinion.


I am really not one who thinks that one anime is like another, but this one feels a little like Naruto (Natsu vs. Grey) and a little like One Piece. But that is fine by me, because I like Naruto and I like One Piece. And of course because I am so girly, I absolutely love Happy, Natsu's flying cat. He is so super cute.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

First Blog

I always feel like I should say something deep and meaningful whenever I write a blog. Like I should pour my soul or say something that will make the world stop. However, I am not the Dali Lama or the reincarnation of Mother Teresa. I am just me and my blog is going to be whatever happens to be in my head.

One thing that I have noticed is that my life seems to require that I change constantly. That the person of yesterday is not going to be able to hack the situations of tomorrow. It feels like as soon as I am finally good at balancing the plates of my life, something comes along and adds another and I have to adjust once again. It feels like I can never stop and just enjoy the moment I am standing in. I have to be happy that I succeeded and keep plodding ahead to my next endeavor. That can be more than a bit tiresome.

I suppose I have become a bit nostalgic for days when my life was not as complicated. When there were very few challenges and I did mostly everything with little to no effort. But knowing me, I would probably be bored with that life and plod straight into the very challenges that I am standing in right now. I suppose I should be happy for the golden rings that are hovering above my head, enticing me to reach up and grab them. Sure there is a lot more mountain for me to climb, but looking back, I am proud that I have come so far.

(Let's see how many more metaphors I can squeeze into this blog :P)

I am having one of those days where I am staring into the mirror and I see the person in front of me and I know  what it is that I want to become. The distance between the two is daunting and I don't even want to start. But if I don't, then will I ever truly be happy with where I am right now? And I already know the answer to that.



Romans 8:28-29