While sitting and waiting in the doctor's office, I picked up an old copy of the New Yorker and started to thumb through it. There was an article that was written by Oliver Sacks. Now for some reason I knew the name Oliver Sacks, but couldn't figure out why. As I read the article, I remembered (I was supposed to read "The Man who mistook his wife for a hat" but never got around to it.)
The article was one of the most interesting reads that I have in a long time. It was about several patients who woke up one morning and had lost the ability to read while keeping the ability to write (alexia). All of them said something along the lines of, "All the letters look like something from a foreign language that I don't understand." What made some of these patients even more interesting were that they were writers and/or publishers and reading was part of their job.
I wish I had gotten the chance to finish the article before the doctor walked in. I got to the part of the article where one of the patients was trying to see if he could teach himself to recognize words again and teach his mind to understand words the way that a child's brain teaches itself to recognize words and attach meaning to them. Maybe I can read the rest of it on the internet.
And maybe I will finally get around to reading an Oliver Sacks novel.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Still learning myself
There are times when I take an inventory of myself and wonder if I was somehow born into the wrong life. Am I walking down the wrong path? It seems like the things I like to do and the hobbies that I find myself engaging in do not line up with the end game goal that the path I have chosen for life arrives at. And then someone said something to me that made a whole lot more sense.
"Perhaps you are just discovering things about yourself. It's okay to have a hobby that has nothing to do with your career goals."
While it was a very common sense thing to say, that statement cleared up a whole lot. For years, I have had tunnel vision. I have only wanted one thing and have taken a steady course in order to get there. I never stopped for any side journeys along the way, even though I had a deep seated interests in a number of things. I believed that I was only good at a handful of things and there was no reason to expand beyond that. Stick with what you are good at and leave everything else to someone else. However, someone did one of the best things for me that could ever happen. They bought me a sketch book and some pencils.
"Just draw."
Like a gateway drug, that one action opened the floodgates to everything else that I had ever wanted to do, but denied myself the pleasure of doing because it didn't fit into the mold that I had made for myself. But now that I had started to indulge myself, I began to think myself strange. Why was it these things that brought me so much joy? It was as if my brain could not wrap itself around the fact that I could enjoy things that had nothing to do with each other. I always felt like I had to choose. That was until a few nights ago.
I suppose I thought I was too old to be discovering new things about myself. I had assumed that my time of discovery had passed and everything about me that needed knowing and finding out had already been done. But it is sort of exciting to think that I might have a few more things up my sleeve; a few more surprises that have yet to be seen. And they could be coming from places that I least expect.
"Perhaps you are just discovering things about yourself. It's okay to have a hobby that has nothing to do with your career goals."
While it was a very common sense thing to say, that statement cleared up a whole lot. For years, I have had tunnel vision. I have only wanted one thing and have taken a steady course in order to get there. I never stopped for any side journeys along the way, even though I had a deep seated interests in a number of things. I believed that I was only good at a handful of things and there was no reason to expand beyond that. Stick with what you are good at and leave everything else to someone else. However, someone did one of the best things for me that could ever happen. They bought me a sketch book and some pencils.
"Just draw."
Like a gateway drug, that one action opened the floodgates to everything else that I had ever wanted to do, but denied myself the pleasure of doing because it didn't fit into the mold that I had made for myself. But now that I had started to indulge myself, I began to think myself strange. Why was it these things that brought me so much joy? It was as if my brain could not wrap itself around the fact that I could enjoy things that had nothing to do with each other. I always felt like I had to choose. That was until a few nights ago.
I suppose I thought I was too old to be discovering new things about myself. I had assumed that my time of discovery had passed and everything about me that needed knowing and finding out had already been done. But it is sort of exciting to think that I might have a few more things up my sleeve; a few more surprises that have yet to be seen. And they could be coming from places that I least expect.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Church, Football and Comic Pull
Honestly, I couldn't remember the last time I went to church. Easter maybe? Anyway, that was just a sign that I needed to get my hips back in there. I feel like a lot of my life would get back on track if I would get back to doing what it is that I know to do: pray, read my Bible, and get back in church and stay there.
So I was trying my best to make sure to get there on time, but between me not liking the clothes I had picked out and forgetting to gas up the car the day before, I was about 5-10 minutes late. And the high heel shoes I had decided to wear was not helping me get into the sanctuary any faster. However, despite being late, I was ushered up to the third row. That is closest I have ever been, and that counts Bible study. I was right up there with the church mamas and deacons. It was a good thing to, because Bishop was beyond good today. It was like he preached just for me today. Definitely need a copy of today's sermon.
So after church and a late breakfast, it was time to hunker down and get ready for double header Sunday. I don't know if I watch football because I like it or because it reminds me of home. Steelers were awesome against the Titans. Redskins let me down in OT. And tonight, I watched the Colts smash the Giants. All in all, great football Sunday. I am trying out fantasy football for the first time this year. So far my team is in the lead for my match up. Unless something insane happens tomorrow night, I have this one in the bag.
I remembered yesterday that the Blackest Night trade came out this summer and I was supposed to get it. But then I saw that there were several Blackest Night trades and I had no idea which one to get. I got Blackest Night and part of me wanted to get Blackest Night: Green Lantern Corps, but I took a pass on it. I also bought X-Files: 30 days of Night #2 and #3. I am hoping that these were all good purchases. If not, well, I will remember for next time.
I guess it probably a little weird that I order my comics from a shop in Canada. I mean, it would probably be easier to get books here. But ComicPull is connected to The Fourth Wall, run by two really awesome guys. So I definitely want to support them. Plus, most comic stores that I have seen are really creepy. Getting comics mailed to me is a pretty awesome way to get what I want and side step everything I don't want.
So I was trying my best to make sure to get there on time, but between me not liking the clothes I had picked out and forgetting to gas up the car the day before, I was about 5-10 minutes late. And the high heel shoes I had decided to wear was not helping me get into the sanctuary any faster. However, despite being late, I was ushered up to the third row. That is closest I have ever been, and that counts Bible study. I was right up there with the church mamas and deacons. It was a good thing to, because Bishop was beyond good today. It was like he preached just for me today. Definitely need a copy of today's sermon.
So after church and a late breakfast, it was time to hunker down and get ready for double header Sunday. I don't know if I watch football because I like it or because it reminds me of home. Steelers were awesome against the Titans. Redskins let me down in OT. And tonight, I watched the Colts smash the Giants. All in all, great football Sunday. I am trying out fantasy football for the first time this year. So far my team is in the lead for my match up. Unless something insane happens tomorrow night, I have this one in the bag.
I remembered yesterday that the Blackest Night trade came out this summer and I was supposed to get it. But then I saw that there were several Blackest Night trades and I had no idea which one to get. I got Blackest Night and part of me wanted to get Blackest Night: Green Lantern Corps, but I took a pass on it. I also bought X-Files: 30 days of Night #2 and #3. I am hoping that these were all good purchases. If not, well, I will remember for next time.
I guess it probably a little weird that I order my comics from a shop in Canada. I mean, it would probably be easier to get books here. But ComicPull is connected to The Fourth Wall, run by two really awesome guys. So I definitely want to support them. Plus, most comic stores that I have seen are really creepy. Getting comics mailed to me is a pretty awesome way to get what I want and side step everything I don't want.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Assessments and hate
Do I even know where to start? Today was about the same as any day. Got up and took an NBME assessment to see if I was ready for STEP and it came with a resounding no. So it looks like it will be yet another month before I take that. Part of me is really angry that I can't get this test over and done with already. But I would rather push it back and be ready than to take it and not be ready.
I got a little peeved today over something that should have been a non-issue. But there is something that I just can't let go. And that is when people apologize and in the same breath assert that they were right and they have no idea why you were upset in the first place. Look, either apologize or don't. Don't be dick about it. Because now you are just lying. You aren't really sorry, you are just saying it out posterity. And for some reason the people who pull this maneuver have usually layered the elitism on really thick. And that is another thing I hate with a passion. A holier than though attitude while I'm talking to you is the fastest way to make me hate you.
Again, the conversation that this happened in has nothing to do with life. It didn't even some deep moral issue or beholden belief. It is just the principle of the entire thing that ruffled my feathers. I just wanted to punch the guy in the throat. But you can't do that over the internet. If you could, there would be less flame wars on forums. Every part of me wanted to get snippy and yell "Fuck you, cockbite" but where would that get me? So I just tried to put it out of my mind and go on about my day.
Think I might be doing some doodling tonight. Not sure what is going to end up on the paper. I never do. Never seem to have any type of direction of what I want to get better at. Another idea is to work on some calligraphy. It's pretty easy to see what I need to do with that. Make my letters better. :P
I got a little peeved today over something that should have been a non-issue. But there is something that I just can't let go. And that is when people apologize and in the same breath assert that they were right and they have no idea why you were upset in the first place. Look, either apologize or don't. Don't be dick about it. Because now you are just lying. You aren't really sorry, you are just saying it out posterity. And for some reason the people who pull this maneuver have usually layered the elitism on really thick. And that is another thing I hate with a passion. A holier than though attitude while I'm talking to you is the fastest way to make me hate you.
Again, the conversation that this happened in has nothing to do with life. It didn't even some deep moral issue or beholden belief. It is just the principle of the entire thing that ruffled my feathers. I just wanted to punch the guy in the throat. But you can't do that over the internet. If you could, there would be less flame wars on forums. Every part of me wanted to get snippy and yell "Fuck you, cockbite" but where would that get me? So I just tried to put it out of my mind and go on about my day.
Think I might be doing some doodling tonight. Not sure what is going to end up on the paper. I never do. Never seem to have any type of direction of what I want to get better at. Another idea is to work on some calligraphy. It's pretty easy to see what I need to do with that. Make my letters better. :P
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Comic books and anime!
So I finally sat down and read Kill Shakespeare #3 today and it was just oh so good! I absolutely love the writing in this book. I especially love the exchanges with Lady MacBeth. I am not entirely sure what makes me like that character. Maybe it is because she is a strong female character and I can almost see the wheels turning in her head. And the way she is drawn just depicts so much attitude. I like her.
Unfortunately, I did not request Kill Shakespeare #2 for my Comic Pull list in time, so there is a gap in my reading. I am not sure why book 3 starts with Hamlet in a forest or why he is throwing up on some fat man. But it doesn't really matter. I was just as immersed in the story as I was when I first opened book 1. I have Kill Shakespeare #4 sitting here, waiting to be read, but I'm saving it. I feel like a kid who has been giving a whole box full of candy and I don't want to eat it all at once.
Stayed up to wee hours of the morning watching Fairy Tail, an anime that zoomed straight to the top of my awesome list. This is probably the first anime where I want to go out and buy the manga. Just like books are better than movies, I have a feeling that the Fairy Tail manga is better than the anime, and the anime rocks! At least it does in my opinion.
I am really not one who thinks that one anime is like another, but this one feels a little like Naruto (Natsu vs. Grey) and a little like One Piece. But that is fine by me, because I like Naruto and I like One Piece. And of course because I am so girly, I absolutely love Happy, Natsu's flying cat. He is so super cute.
Unfortunately, I did not request Kill Shakespeare #2 for my Comic Pull list in time, so there is a gap in my reading. I am not sure why book 3 starts with Hamlet in a forest or why he is throwing up on some fat man. But it doesn't really matter. I was just as immersed in the story as I was when I first opened book 1. I have Kill Shakespeare #4 sitting here, waiting to be read, but I'm saving it. I feel like a kid who has been giving a whole box full of candy and I don't want to eat it all at once.
Stayed up to wee hours of the morning watching Fairy Tail, an anime that zoomed straight to the top of my awesome list. This is probably the first anime where I want to go out and buy the manga. Just like books are better than movies, I have a feeling that the Fairy Tail manga is better than the anime, and the anime rocks! At least it does in my opinion.
I am really not one who thinks that one anime is like another, but this one feels a little like Naruto (Natsu vs. Grey) and a little like One Piece. But that is fine by me, because I like Naruto and I like One Piece. And of course because I am so girly, I absolutely love Happy, Natsu's flying cat. He is so super cute.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
First Blog
I always feel like I should say something deep and meaningful whenever I write a blog. Like I should pour my soul or say something that will make the world stop. However, I am not the Dali Lama or the reincarnation of Mother Teresa. I am just me and my blog is going to be whatever happens to be in my head.
One thing that I have noticed is that my life seems to require that I change constantly. That the person of yesterday is not going to be able to hack the situations of tomorrow. It feels like as soon as I am finally good at balancing the plates of my life, something comes along and adds another and I have to adjust once again. It feels like I can never stop and just enjoy the moment I am standing in. I have to be happy that I succeeded and keep plodding ahead to my next endeavor. That can be more than a bit tiresome.
I suppose I have become a bit nostalgic for days when my life was not as complicated. When there were very few challenges and I did mostly everything with little to no effort. But knowing me, I would probably be bored with that life and plod straight into the very challenges that I am standing in right now. I suppose I should be happy for the golden rings that are hovering above my head, enticing me to reach up and grab them. Sure there is a lot more mountain for me to climb, but looking back, I am proud that I have come so far.
(Let's see how many more metaphors I can squeeze into this blog :P)
I am having one of those days where I am staring into the mirror and I see the person in front of me and I know what it is that I want to become. The distance between the two is daunting and I don't even want to start. But if I don't, then will I ever truly be happy with where I am right now? And I already know the answer to that.
Romans 8:28-29
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