Family Traditions: Christmas Cards

Christmas cards were a holiday tradition at my house. In front of our fully decorated Christmas tree, all sparkling with lights, would be a small coffee table. One of those nice ones that I had to polish on the weekends. Around December, it would be overflowing with cards. That was the sign that Christmas was on its way.

The tradition continues

Cards would come from everyone: family members, family friends, co-workers, friends from church. Even people that my parents knew from long ago. We may not have been able to see some people for long stretches of time, but we still received cards from them. And they got cards from us, wishing them a Merry Christmas and blessed New Year.

My favorite card this year

And, since I grew up with this idea of, "giving cards is part of celebrating Christmas", I decided it was finally my turn to take part in the tradition of card exchanging. Honestly, I had no idea how much effort I was going to put in doing this.

First off, I can't remember when was the last time I sent someone anything in the mail. Or sent anything in the mail, period to be honest. So, it took some time to round up all the addresses of the people I was going to send cards to. My friends had spread out far and wide over the years. Thank goodness for Facebook. Then, it took several hours to actually sit down, write in the cards, sign them, and then address and stamp the envelopes. Next time I do this, I am definitely investing in labels. I'm not sure how my mother did this year after year. She made it look so easy.

I really like the glittery ones :)

Personally, I'm not sure how many of my friends mail out cards for Christmas, but I think it is a nice way of letting people know that you are thinking of them during the holiday season. This is a tradition that I plan on keeping for a long time.

Kitchen Adventures! - Stuffed mushrooms

Any other mushroom lovers out there? The only person who can beat my love of mushrooms in my family is my father. The two of us can put a hurting on anything that involves mushrooms. My father had no idea that I liked mushrooms until I was a teenager. It was sort of a bonding moment.

Getting mushrooms ready for the oven

Until recently, I had only been using mushrooms as a garnish or a topping. I was very naive to all the other things you could do with them. I also discovered using fresh mushrooms instead of those in a jar. The difference was amazing. Coming across a stuffed mushroom recipe was an accident. I feel like this recipe was has been waiting for me to find it. I went ahead and tried it, because why not.

They are the best when they are warm and gooey!

The filling is mushroom stems, garlic, onion, cream cheese and parmesan cheese. My only complaints were the filling tasted a bit too salty, while the mushroom caps tasted a bit too fresh. I blame human error. I added salt when I sauteed  the mushrooms, onions and garlic, not thinking how much salt the cheese had. Also, I think the filling needs a bit more. An herb or something to brighten it up. I added crab meat to the filling, but it wasn't enough for me to notice it, flavor wise. Not sure how I'm going to remedy that in future.

The mushrooms did taste much better the next day. So, all in all, it wasn't a bad recipe. Just one that needs some tweaking. I have a feeling that once I get this right, it is going to become one of my quick and easy go to dishes.

The Nightfall Saga: Secrets Revealed (Part 6)

Lord Jaias watched as the carriage that had brought his sister and estranged niece to his doorstep finally pulled away. Tobias stood a step behind him. There was an icy silence. Jaias’ normal countenance was marked with agitation, his brow furrowed and forehead wrinkled. But, he only stood there, hands folded behind him.

“What will you have done now, sir?” Tobias asked, watching the carriage disappear into the distance.
 
“For now, we simply sit and wait. Have Matthias watch Cixithara. I’m sure that she will be returning to House Silvacce."

The elven lord turned to head back up the stairs and into the house again, "My niece will come back, Tobias. She knows that she is one of us now.”
 
“The Heads of Council?” Tobias asked, "What will they be told?"
 
“I will do my duty as the head of this House and tell them what I found. Cixithara Daybreaker is a candidate to be the next Vessel and should be treated as such.”
 




The  inside of the carriage was silent. The only sound was the rolling of the wheels against the dirt roads that left Silvermoon City. Both Cixi and Alara had taken off the fancy clothes and make up they had been decorated in for the past several days. It was back to simple clothes and plain faces, but everything between the mother and daughter seemed changed somehow. Cixi didn’t speak to her mother. She didn’t even look at her. She simply stared out the window, pretending to pay attention to the passing scenery outside.
 
“You were never supposed to know,” Lady Alara said in a low voice.
 
“Know what? That I was forced to be something else that I was never any good at in the first place?” Cixi spat out, a tinge of bitterness edging her words.
 
“You are were chosen as Guardian for First Hunt. The Elders recognize you, just like they recognize your brothers and recognized your father. Do not let Lord Jaias’ words poison everything you know about yourself.”
 
“What about Zendier and Taulithran? Are my brothers the same as me?”
 
Lady Alara ran her hand over her mouth before she spoke. The words slowly came past her lips, obvious that she was measuring the weight of every word coming out of her mouth.
 
“They are gifted, but not like you. You were different. Even when you were little, there was something about you and magic that your brothers just didn’t have.”
 
“Why didn’t you give me a choice?” Cixi asked, finally turning her face away from the window, “If you knew what I could do with magic, why did you not give me the choice of being a mage?”
 
“Because I was afraid that you would chose to be one of them,”  Lady Alara answered back, "And you  have no idea what they would have made you become."

"At least they were honest."

Cixi didn’t bother going back home.  She wanted to be by herself for a while, Just to  at least straighten things out in her head. The carriage dropped her off at the front gates of the Silvacce Estate. Cixi didn't smile and wave as the carriage left. Instead, she shoved her hands in pockets and watched as the brightly colored hawkstriders pull the carriage away.

Cixi's mind raced with a thousand thoughts as she slowly walked down the dirt paths that laced the Silvacce estate. Most of them starting with “what if”. Then, it came suddenly. A sharp pain behind Cixi’s eyes. Unlike any headache she had ever experienced before, in a matter of moments, the pain became excruciating. Cixi’s head throbbed, like someone was shoving a spike between her eyes and into her skull. She grabbed the sides of her head and crumpled her to knees. Bright blinding lights streaked across her vision. The only thing she could hear was the thumping of her own racing heart beat in her ears. 

Moments later, Cixi fell over in the grass, writhing, her screams of pain caught in her throat, the piercing pain only going deeper into her skull. The last thing she remembered before passing out was seeing an outline of a woman’s face in the blinding flash of light.

The Nightfall Saga: Secrets Revealed (Part 5)

“Lord Jaias has instructed that he not be disturbed at this time, milady. He should be done very soon. If you would come back at that time, I am sure he will take an audience with you.”
 
The servants were not allowed to put their hands on Lady Alara. She knew that and they knew that. But it didn’t keep the servants from trying anything else they could in order to get her to stop. However, all of their efforts were for not. Lady Alara still pushed her way through, towards her brother’s study. As she entered the outer room, she heard something. Something very familiar. What was that? Was it music? Alara hoped that it was just her frazzled nerves, creating the noise in her own head, playing on her worst fears. She remembered that song, quite well. What felt like a lifetime ago, her father had handed her a toy and told her to open it. She remembered the way he looked at her as those pieces slid across the sides.
 
She grasped the handle of her brother’s study and yanked it, barreling through the door as she did so. There was only quiet afterwards. Quiet that was fringed with a soft melody playing, the music that Alara had hoped she was only hearing inside of her own head. That dreaded song. That terrible song.
 
Cixi stared at her mother’s wide eyes with a startled stare of her own. She dropped the small box on the desk, music still continuing to play. Lord Jaias stood up from his chair and took several steps toward his sister.
 
“What…what have you done?” Alara replied, her stomach sinking with every second.
 
“It’s just a puzzle box…” Cixi started to explain.
 
“How long have you known?”
 
Cixi stopped talking. Lord Jaias had walked around his desk and was facing his sister. There were no pleasantries passed or civility faked. There was nothing but raw reality between the two of them now. It felt as if her mother and uncle had forgotten that she was even in that room. The conversation was now just them.
 
“You had absolutely no right! You had no right!”
 
Lady Alara’s shouting had no effect on her brother. His voice only became colder and deeper.
 
“How long have you known?” he repeated,”How long did you keep this from the rest of us? How long did you keep it away from Father? From the Heads of the Houses?”
 
“Cixithara is a trained hunter, just like her father and his father before him…”
 
“…with Ebonlynx blood running through her veins! Something you can’t erase no matter how badly you want to! There is a reason that your daughter was never able to fit into that excuse for a House that you married into.”
 
“My daughter will never be one of you! Not as long as I have breath in my body!”
 
“Stop shouting!”
 
Alara and Jaias turned from each other. Cixi stood there, opened puzzle box in hand. Alara half stomped, half marched her way over, reached for the toy and hurled it across the room. The box crashed into the wall. The music stopped, the glowing stopped. The box closed and relocked itself. As Cixi stared at the small toy that was now on the ground, Lady Alara grabbed Cixi by the wrist.
 
“We are leaving.”
 
Cixi yanked back.
 
“No we aren’t," Cixi replied, "Not until someone tells me what is going on.”

Story Finale: Secrets Revealed (Part 6)

The Nightfall Saga: Secrets Revealed (Part 4)

“Where you any good at solving puzzle boxes?” Lord Jaias asked, moving the small cube from one hand to the other while he spoke.
 
“The pretty one I lost was simple.” Cixi replied with a smile, hands folded in her lap, “The newer puzzle boxes I got never came as easily to me as that one did. Especially as I got older. I always solved them eventually. It was probably the only thing I did better than my brothers.”
 
“This is going to sound like an odd request," Lord Jaias replied, "but I was wondering if you could do one thing for me.”
 
Lord Jaias stopped passing the puzzle box between his hands and held it out toward Cixi, the black cat facing her.
 
“Do you think that you could try solving this one?”
 
“Oh, Uncle,” Cixi said with a short giggle, “You want to see me sit here and struggle while you know how to solve it.”
 
“I have a feeling that you will probably have an easy time solving this one,” Lord Jaias replied, still keeping his hand outstretched, “Will you try it?”
 
Cixi reached her hand out and let Lord Jaias place the small cube in her hand, “Well, I suppose there is no harm in trying. But you are allowed to give me hints if it starts to take too long. Mother is expecting me out at the carriage pretty soon. She will lose her mind if find out I'm in here playing with puzzle boxes.”

"Of that I have no doubt."


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Lady Alarra clutched her skirt in both hands, sprinting as quickly as her heeled shoes would allow. She ignored the sideways glances from those she pushed her way through the corridors. She had this panicked feeling in her chest. Why hadn’t see been told about the extension? Even the servants knew? He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.
 
Lady Alarra continued running, now catching the attention of the servants that lined the hallways. They tried reaching out and stopping her, asking what it was that she was in such a hurry to get. They would be more than happy to have her wait and they go off and get it for her. But she pushed them aside just as she did everyone else.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Cixi stared at the shiny moveable pieces, sliding one piece across and then sliding it back.
 
“You are concentrating too hard,” Lord Jaias said, seeing the furrowed lines of frustration starting to crease Cixi’s face, “Why don’t you try closing your eyes while you move the pieces?”
 
“You can’t solve a puzzle if you can’t see it,” Cixi said, still sliding the pieces around to no avail.
 
“Sometimes it’s our eyes that make the puzzle harder than what it is. Come on, Cixithara, close your eyes.”
 
Cixi twisted her mouth in disbelief but closed her eyes anyway. Lord Jaias looked down and watched as the outline of the black mountain cat emblem began to glow softly. This was quite the unexpected turn. She had done nothing more than close her eyes. The glow became brighter and Cixi slowly pulled her fingers away from the small toy. The sliding pieces started moving themselves as the puzzle box sat nested in Cixi’s hand. After a few moments, with her eyes still closed, Cixi pressed the emblem with her thumb and the box came open.
 
“You were right,” Cixi replied, opening her eyes again, “That was simple. You didn’t tell me that it was a magic puzzle box. Those are always easy to open. But if yours was anything like mine, it usually does something after you open it.”
 
“You are correct. This one plays a song. Do you think that you could get it to play?”
 
Lord Jaias leaned forward, a new intrigue sparking in his powder haired niece.


 Story continues: Secrets Revealed (Part 5)

The Nightfall Saga: Secrets Revealed (Part 3)

Lady Alara made sure that all of her things were being sent to a carriage outside and then went to make sure that Cixi's things were taken care of as well. She had expected to see Cixi sitting in her room. However, when she opened the door, there were only hand maidens packing up the few things that Cixi had brought with her and cleaning the room up.
 
"Where is my daughter?" Lady Alara asked, scanning the room.
 
The young elven women averted their eyes, more to avoid answering the question rather than out of customary habit. There was silence as the servants exchanged glances between each other. Lady Alara noticed that Matthias also sitting quietly in the corner, not making any eye contact.
 
“I am going to ask one more time and only one more time,” Lady Alara said, in a sterner voice, “Where is my daughter?”
 
“The young ma’am wished to say goodbye to Lord Jaias before you left,” one of the handmaidens answered, “We warned her that it was against your explicit wish. However, she believed that saying you all were leaving would not be so terrible. We are really sorry, Lady Alara. There was nothing we could say that would stop her.”
 
“It is quite alright,” Alara replied, slightly upset but keeping her composure, “It is only polite, I suppose. And with the testing coming to a close, I am sure that my brother would notice our absence. I just wish I had been informed of my daughter’s actions before this.”
 
“Milady, were you not told?” the handmaiden asked,” Testing is going on for one more day. The Council extended it late last night.”
 
Lady Alara’s eyes widened, “Extended it? Why?”



Story Continues: Secrets Revealed (Part 4)

The Nightfall Saga: Secrets Revealed (Part 2)

Just like that, the Testing was over. There was no more calling of names, no more sitting in hallways, no more secret meetings behind closed doors. Everyone went back to socializing, eating, gossiping and whatever else they had occupied themselves with doing before. Lady Alara busied herself with packing. She was leaving as soon as possible and taking her daughter with her.

In the middle of the frenzied rush, Cixi snuck away. She was just as happy to leave as her mother was anxious to get her out. Nothing would make her happier than to be rid of these ridiculous clothes, ridiculous people and be back in her hammock at the clinic with Nic and Erad. But, there was one person she had to see before she left. After making her way quickly and quietly down the maze of corridors, Cixi lightly knocked on the familiar study door. She knew that she was supposed to have Matthias do all the knocking and introductions for, but that just seemed so silly. Besides, she was on her way home. What could possibly be done to her now for knocking on a door?
 
The door opened and Cixi met the rather stunned gaze of Tobias, wearing his long brown robes as always. He looked past Cixi, obviously searching for the servant who was supposed to be accompanying the young lady elf. Cixi spoke up, directing her question at Tobias
 
“Is Lord Jaias busy?” 
 
“You know that you never have to ask that.”
 
The answer came before Tobias could form one of his own. He quickly moved out of Cixi’s way, allowing her to come inside of the study. Lord Jaias was sitting behind his desk, as it seemed he always was whenever Cixi had come to see him. He rolled up whatever it was he was working on and placed it to the side. His eyes had dark circles beneath them and the lines in his faces seemed deeper than they had been before. A grin crossed his lips as Cixi came into the room.
 
“Has my sister allowed you to come and see me?” he asked, leaning back in his chair and placing his arms on the armrests.
 
Cixi shook her head, as she took a seat on the opposite side of the desk, “No, she doesn’t know that I have come here to see you. But I thought it was only polite for me to come and say goodbye. 

"Goodbye?" Lord Jaias asked, "Rushing off are we?"

Cixi shook her head again, "My mother and I are leaving today. In fact, we are leaving pretty soon. My things are probably being loaded on a carriage as we speak.” 

Lord Jaias took a deep breath,”I had hoped you would have stayed for a bit longer. But once my sister has made up her mind, there is no unmaking it," Lord Jaias paused for a moment.

"You have a position in House Silvacce, I heard. You should take a few of those outfits that you wore while you were here. I’m sure that you will have use for them again.”
 
“I really don’t think my mother would let me keep them,” Cixi replied, “It would probably be best if I just let them remain here.”
 
Lord Jaias nodded, pursing his lips slightly at the thought. There was silence for a few moments. Cixi started picking at the frills on her dress. What it was that had driven such a wedge between her mother and her uncle? He seemed genuinely nice and understanding. And her mother was usually sweet, despite her stern streak. Cixi could feel her curiosity churning away in her head. However, she wasn’t entirely sure if it was something that she wanted to ask. At least not right now. Looking to change the subject, Cixi eyed something in front of her.
 
"Oh!" Cixi exclaimed, seeing the small object on Lord Jaias desk, "I used to have a toy just like that one!"
 
Lord Jaias sat forward in his chair and moved some papers around to see what Cixi was talking about. Nestled next to some ink bottles was a cube. It was constructed out of polished wood and metal with shifting pieces on each side. With a grin on his face, Lord Jaias picked the cube up and slowly turned it around in his hand.
 
"Really?" Jaias replied, interest causing his ears to perk up, "I didn’t think that you would have any interest in puzzle boxes. Especially ones like these. Do you still have yours?"
 
Cixi shook her head, "No, I don't know what became of it. I used to play with it all the time and then I lost it somehow. My brothers were going to let me play with theirs, seeing how they didn't really care for it. But oddly, they lost theirs too. Just figured they were given away or something."
 
"Did your puzzle box have any special markings on it, like this one does?"
 
Lord Jaias turned the box over to reveal a black cat etched into one of the sides. Again Cixi nodded her head.
 
"Yes, it did. All of ours did, actually. They all had silver crowns etched into the side. We never knew what they meant. Just figured it was a toymaker mark. But I have never been able to find a puzzlebox like that since. It was so pretty, like yours."
 
Lord Jaias grinned, “Yes, this particular one is quite special. It was a gift. My father always kept it right here on his desk. I find myself doing the same thing.”


Story continues: Secrets Revealed (Part 3)

Daily Write - Belong to You

I want to pen this letter to you. Share my deepest feelings. But I don’t know how. How do I paint my heart in ink? And paint it in such a way that you can understand these thoughts and feelings that I barely understand myself. Even now, I wonder if I should burn this letter and give up on this endeavor. 

How is it that you can make everything so intoxicatingly confusing? How can you give my world such calm and clarity. And in the same moment, make everything so chaotic and uncertain? My head swims. My pulse quickens. I cannot rid myself of this ever present smile you put on my face. I am powerless to undo this unyielding and wondrous net I have found myself entangled in. I am captured, captivated and entranced, as if wandering in a dream that I never want to end.
 
My first waking thought is of you. And you are the last image in my head before drifting off to sleep. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh , my head is filled with thoughts of you. Like a lingering pleasant memory constantly revisited.
 
Perhaps I am nothing more than a fool. A fool with a pen, making a poor attempt to give voice to my heart and my soul. I hope I can convey at least a whisper of my heart. I want you to know this part of me. The part that springs to life when I am around you. This flickering light that glows for you. And every second it continues to swell in my chest.
 
This is my letter. This is my heart in ink, painted on paper for you to read, and hopefully for your heart to understand. I want for nothing more than to belong to you.

---

The Nightfall Saga: Secrets Revealed (Part 1)

The story beings with The Nightfall Saga: The House Gathers
And continues with The Nightfall Saga: Moving Pieces
 
The reason for the Gathering was now coming ever closer. The Testing was about to begin, made pretty evident by the ambient intensity increasing by the day. Cixi was not entirely sure testing meant, but the swell of  whispering clued her in to it's importance and shrouded secrecy. She asked once or twice before it began, but the only answer Cixi received was from her handmaidens. She was told not to worry about it. Lady Alara had made sure that Cixi would not be participating. Of course that didn't quell Cixi's curiosity in the least. If anything, her exclusion only added more fuel to her ever burning questions.
 
What Cixi could glean from the clandestine whispers, the five heads of House Ebonlynx gathered together in one of the many rooms in large estate and called for candidates to come and sit with them. Behind those closed doors, some sort of examination was administered. What it entailed, no one would say. How the test was passed, no one would say either. Not even so much as what the test was for. But, when the day came that the first name was called, everyone headed to those doors and made themselves comfortable outside of them.

Cixi watched the entire procession with everyone else. One person after another walked into that room and had the doors closed behind them. Time would pass, the doors would open again and they would walk out. A servant announce the results for everyone to hear, then he call the next name. Cixi was confused by the somber ceremony of it all, especially after all the lighthearted socializing that had gone on before. None of those who failed looked disappointed. Those who passed did not seem elated or joyous about their success. There was no discussion of it afterwards. Everyone talked about everything else except what was happening behind those doors. And no matter how many times Cixi inquired, even her own mother never expounded on what was going on.

Cixi had tried asking others, but her questions were met with less than warm answers. Her status among the House had changed slightly now that everyone had seen how protective Lord Jaias had been with this niece. The powder haired huntress was under the protection of one of the Heads of the Council. No one was to so much as look at her cross ways. And while this had saved her from the arrogant berating she had received when she first arrived, it could not save Cixi from this. Her inquiries about The Testing had been met smoldering stares and tight lips.    

Cixi was exempt from having the go through the Testing. That did not sit with anyone in House Ebonlynx. Especially since everyone knew it was because of her deserter mother, Lady Alara. If Cixi was to be accepted as an Ebonlynx, she should be at least be considered as a candidate as well. Cixi should get no favoritism, especially being the granddaughter of a former Head and the niece of the new one.  And while no one breathed a word of it, the air was thick with dislike for Cixi and her the outcast mother.And now, Cixi didn't even have Lord Jaias to talk to.

Times like these, Cixi wished that she was back at home, hunting, with her actual family. There was none of this smiling in your face and then ripping you to shreds the moment you were out of the room. Cixi wondered how much longer she was going to have to tolerate all of this. How much longer she would be able to tolerate this. Little did she know, it would not be long at all. Thanks to a relative whose name Cixi never knew, the days of her stay were to be abruptly truncated.


Story continues: Secrets Revealed (Part 2)

Birthday Beauty Box

My sister spoils me :D

I had my birthday a while back and I got a really awesome gift from my sister. I will call it my beauty box. I haven't used everything just yet, but I have fallen in love with everything that I have used so far.

Face and hair products

My sister is letting her hair go natural just like I am. She sent me a shampoo and conditioner combination that she liked by Aunt Jackie's. It smelled really nice, so I decided why not. I absolutely adore this stuff now. It makes my hair feel really soft and smooth. I didn't think anything would make me walk away from Organix, but this stuff is a keeper.

Next is a green tea facial cleanser, moisturizer, and toner that I believe comes from The Face Shop. I have only been using the toner right now, because I had just opened my Olay products. However, I had no toner to speak of, so this came right on time. Very simple add in to the daily facial cleaning regime.

The volcanic clay...I like it because it has a nifty name. It is solely for cleaning the pores on your nose, like a Biore strip. It is pretty quick and simple. Put it on your nose, let it dry and then peel it off.

Face masks!!

The shampoo and conditioner were my favorite products so far, but these are a close second. I love face masks, especially these. The serum from these things makes my skin feel so much more hydrated and refreshed. Plus there is usually enough left over in the packet to rub on my neck and shoulders.I was never much for face products before, but these have me hooked.

This last one was a gag gift that made it's way into my box. (Thanks, Frankie) I swore that I would never use used something that had the word 'placenta' in it. The name of it simply grosses me out. I mean, come on, have you guys ever seen an actual placenta? Not something want to be massaging into my hair follicles. Frankie knew this and when she saw this protein pack, she couldn't help herself.

So that was my beauty box. Not sure how I'm supposed to match this for Frankie's birthday. Maybe I will get her a bunch of video game related stuff.Maybe make her a personalized Lootcrate or something along those lines.

Daily Write - Equals

You were everything I had ever wanted to become. There was nothing else I wanted more than to stand on your pedestal. To stand on that same height our peers had placed you on and look into your eyes.

 I find it ironic now. The thing that drove my want to emulate you, become you, what sat you in spotlight and heraldry, was the one thing you despised. Despised so much you tore it out, ripped it up, and destroyed every part of it. 

 Now that you have turned your back on what made you great, are we finally equals?

Daily Write - Touch

We had practiced. We had prepared. We had anticipated all we could. There was nothing left for us to do now but try. So, here we were, standing in front of each other. In spite of all preparation we had put ourselves through, neither of us were completely ready for what we were about to undertake. 

I was scared. No, more than that. Scared does not give my feelings at that moment enough depth. I was terror stricken. He was too. You didn’t have to be like us to feel our anxiety. It was an unseen fog, sucking all the air out of the room, threatening to choke the two of us. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he reassured me, using that gentle tone of his, “-I- am going to be okay.” 

He could hear my fear. Probably clanging as loud as warning bells. I was already pushing my thoughts into his mind. That was my worst fear, the thing concerning me the most; losing control and hurting him. 

“We don’t have to do this,” I whispered. I wanted to give him a way out. Give me a way out, “We can just label this a bad idea and forget about it. We can simply walk away.” 

“No.” 

His rejection was so simple. So final. So quiet. I felt him calmly pushing back. Pushing down my anxiety, like a cooling breeze running over my skin on a muggy summer day. He had become stronger and he showed me to quell my worry. I took several deep breaths and focused, folding the anxiety in my chest smaller and smaller until it was too small to feel. 

“Settled?” 

“Yes.” 

I could not watch him remove his gloves from those long, spindly fingers of his. Instead, I focused on my own. Nothing more than thin, white, pieces of fabric, they fashioned a barrier that shielded my sanity from drowning in the noise. Removing them was cutting loose my anchor and setting myself adrift in that noise. I could hear the echo of his breathing the same way one sees ripples on a lake. He was unsettled and uncertain. More than I was. Of course he was. The risk he was taking eclipsed my own and no one could know that more than him. I had to focus. 

We both took a step closer to each other. I could not look at him. Not yet. I had to breathe. I had to focus. However, I struggled. My heart hammered against my chest with such force. It only got stronger with every step. I thought at any moment it would break through and burst in front of me. 

“This is harder than I thought it would be.” I breathed.  
“Actually, you surprise me. You are quite calm.” 

His heart beat. I felt it like it was my own, thrumming in my head like a quivering drum. The process was already beginning. I had not noticed until he spoke. We were just within reach of each other, however he seemed so much closer than that. The fog tightened around us, dense, heavy and charged. It was seeping into my pores. He reached his hand towards me, slowly. 

“You’re shaking.” 

My own voice sounded foreign to me. I was losing the ability to recognize myself. 

“I know.” 

I held my hand out towards his. I could taste the fear building in the back of my throat, but I promised myself I would not hurt him. I just kept repeating that I had to focus, visualizing the fear as nothing more than liquid draining out of me and into the floor beneath my feet. I could feel the fog around us, clinging to my skin. It was a brewing storm about to swallow the two of us. I saw our fingers, his and mine, nothing separating them but a breath. And yet to me, it might as well have been a canyon. A canyon that I had to jump across.

 “I trust you.” 

His quiet finality. 

“Wait! No!” 

But it was too late to pull away. He clasped my hand in his. The burning jolt that followed seared into my flesh, bore into my stomach, ripped through my chest. I couldn’t breathe. My skull felt like it had been set ablaze inside a crushing vice. My entire body threatened to explode into ash and melt into nothing. I wanted to resist, to scream, to pull away and run. Instead, I forced myself to endure it all and look. Forced myself to pull my head up and stare into his eyes. His body seized like a leaf twisting in the wind. His face was pinched in agonizing pain. But, he too searched for my eyes. We found each other and in that moment I thought I had fell. But soon realized it was not falling. I was melting, disappearing, being absorbed into those eyes. 

I no longer saw him. No longer spoke to him. I felt him. I simply felt him. We were nothing more than two existences, two thoughts, two energies swirling in the presence of each other. We knew nothing and yet we knew everything. We were new and carefree. We were old and satiated with our lives as they had been. We ran, we flowed, we flew, we slipped farther and farther away into that vast expanse. This space of nothing occupied only by the pure essence of us. Never had I felt so close to someone. So together. We were two objects occupying the same space. 

Time passed. How much, I am not sure. I walked and remembered I had legs. Remembered I was made of muscle and bone. I felt that weight pulling me back into reality. I was slowly rising back to the surface, feeling my own skin, hearing myself breathe, feeling the beat of my heart in my chest. My mind was drifting, failing to latch onto anything concrete. I tried moving my body, but my limbs would not respond.. 

I could still feel him in my mind as I lied there, motionless. He was mist clinging to high mountain cliffs. I felt his smile and heard his gentleness echo in my head. 

“You are butterflies.”

Let's Talk...

Let's talk about failure. I know, ugly word. A word that has ended many a dream for many a person. It's not the failure that breaks most people. It is everything that comes after; this package of malevolent feelings. The shame of it, the depression, the feeling of being sub-par and inadequate. You drown in those feelings, suffocating. And you just sit and watch as your dream is snatched away and crushed. Or do you?

I'm not going to jump on a soapbox and tell you to learn from your mistakes (though that is a good idea). I'm not going to spout out a bunch of inspiring quotes that have found their way onto posters, bumpers stickers and passed around on Facebook status updates. Instead, I'm going to tell you that I understand.

I understand failure and the package that comes with it. Wanting to hide, wondering why it happened to you, feeling beyond alone. Because, how could anyone possibly fathom what is like to have a hole blown in your world so big that it shatters everything in it? I get it. I get you.


I understand failure. It aches like nothing I have ever felt. I was mired down in this dark mental pit with nothing but my horrible, berating thoughts and bitter tears as company. But, I could not stay there. I could not die there. I could not drown, fade away and let this moment be the one that represented me, my life, myself as a whole.

Shutdown. Cry. Scream. Have the largest tantrum of your life. And when you are all done, don't roll over and die. Don't let this be your definition. Despite the tears, despite the pain, do not let this moment define who you are and who you will become.

Because that is what this is: a moment. A moment in a series of many you are going to have after this. Don't fade, don't give in, don't die. Not here. For now, breathe. Survive until this moment fades into the next.

Kitchen Adventures! - Shepherd's Pie

My mom found the recipe for Shepherd's Pie first. My sister was the second to have it and she added a few touches of her own. Then it found it's way to me. I have to say, something so simple should not be this good. I have a few recipes in my back pocket for those days when I need to cook  and have very little time to do it. Shepherd's Pie is one of them. And it is a God send.

The ingredients are pretty simple: ground beef, peas and carrots (or whatever veggies tickle your fancy), cream of celery soup (or cream of mushroom if that is your thing), and some mashed potatoes. Now, my mom is all about the homestyle way of doing things. She makes this dish with fresh vegetables, right down to chopping the carrots and boiling the potatoes. I admit, that is probably the healthiest way to do. But I take as many shortcuts as much as I can. I tend to buy my veggies frozen when they go on sale. (C'mon $1 for a bag of frozen veggies?! How do you pass that up?) And use potato flakes to speed up the mashed potato process. What can I say, I'm addicted to the "dump and go" method of cooking.

You can switch out the ground beef and use ground turkey. I find that ground turkey is a decent substitute in a few of the dishes that I have made. Ground turkey has a lighter flavor and the consistency is slightly different, but that is it. There is even a vegetarian "ground beef" made by Morning Star. I personally have never used it in Shepherd's Pie, but I used it to make chili. Again, different texture, but the taste was fine.

So, after you have cooked all your ingredients on the stove, you put them in a casserole dish and slide it into the oven. Then you are finished. Like I said, quick and easy. And it will taste like you spent forever on it. What do you guys fix when you are pressed for time?

Rings, Rings, Rings!

I am not sure when I started liking jewelry that was different from what my peers were wearing. If I had to take guess, I would say it started when I was a teenager. Probably around the time I was painting my nails wild colors and trying to figure out an argument that would convince my parents how awesome a tongue ring was.

 

 I remember wanting something more interesting than your normal, cutesy pieces. My mother and I had quite the back and forth over my high school ring. She wanted me to get something feminine. I wanted a huge hulking guy's ring. In college, I was all about the finger armor (though I never bought any). I believe very little has changed about my tastes since then.

  
I have  a few interesting rings. Above is a picture of some of my favorites. Each one of these have some story behind them. For instance, the black ring with the floral pattern was a gift from my sister. It is one of the first in my "unique" ring collection. The Batman ring was a gift to myself for some feat of academia I accomplished. It is a sterling silver Batarang spinner ring. I eyeballed that ring for weeks before finally purchasing it.



 

I like rings like these because they make you take a second look. When I wear them, I feel like I'm making a statement without having to expend a lot of effort or money. Most of my rings I simply happen upon when I am shopping for something else. Except my Batman ring, that one I searched out on purpose. I was going through a Dark Knight phase.





Do you wear jewelry that is more on the "unique" side? Any specific jewelry pieces that are your favorite? I think the only jewelry that is more expressive than my rings are my earrings. But that is a post for another time.

The Nightfall Saga: Moving Pieces (Part 5)

It was the normal exchange that Cixi had become used to seeing and yet didn’t quite understand why it was done. She stood quietly while Matthias went and spoke to Tobias on her behalf in order for Matthias to alert Lord Jaias that she wished to speak with him. Cixi didn’t understand why couldn’t she just walk up to the door and knock on it. However, she simply watched the two elves cloaked in brown whisper to each other. The older slowly shook his head and walked away from the younger, disappearing behind a closed door. Matthias turned and walked back to Cixi, bowing his head when he was within earshot.
 
“Lord Jaias is in a meeting right now. His manservant has gone to see if he will accept your request to meet with him.”
 
“If he is busy, then I can come back later,” Cixi replied, “No reason for Lord Jaias to interrupt anything.”
 
“Unless the interruption happens to be something more important.” 

The closed door was now open and Lord Jaias darkened the frame. A hint of a smile was on his face as he walked through it. He signaled for the door to be closed behind him as he walked over to Cixi, robes swishing about his feet.
 
“You wished to speak to me, Cixithara?”
 
“Yes,” Cixi replied nervously. The more she thought about what she wanted to say, the more the words kept evading her. Suddenly she couldn’t help but feeling that this was a very bad idea.
 
“Well no reason to mince words,” Lord Jaias said, noticing that Cixi was pausing longer than usual and was fiddling with cuffs of her sleeves, ”Tell me what it is that you want.”
 
“I was hoping…”
 
Again, there was a slight pause. Cixi turned her head away slightly. She just couldn't look her uncle in the face for some reason. She knew who he was now. The status that he held. How the entire House viewed him.
 
“I was hoping that you would stop requesting that I accompany you for the rest of my stay here.”
 
Cixi kept her eyes averted when she spoke.Lord Jaias had nothing but protect her since she had walked into his home, wide eyed and naive. He had never looked down on her, never made her feel less. In fact, he had done quiet the opposite. And now she was asking him to leave her be. Cixi half expected a response that was something along the lines of anger or maybe grave disappointment. Part of her expected to be rejected again and things would go back to the way they had been before.  So the soft return caught her off guard.
 
“Have I done something to offend you?”
 
“No,” Cixi answered quickly, her eyes meeting Lord Jaias' concerned face,”You haven’t done anything. It’s just that…”
 
“Your mother,” Lord Jaias interjected.
 
Cixi chewed the inner part of her bottom lip. She didn’t want to lie, but she didn’t want to mention this being her mother's doing either. There was a heavy silence however, it only lasted a few moments. Lord Jaias put both of hands on Cixi’s shoulders and lightly kissed her on top of her head.
 
“Your mother has not changed a bit since she was young. If she is having that much of a problem with us spending time together, I will no longer ask that you join me for anything else. The last thing I want is for you to be fighting about me with your mother. However, if you change your mind, there will always be room for you at my table.”
 
“Thank you, Uncle!” Cixi exclaimed. She gave him a quick curtsy and left. Now her mother would be pleased and things would go along smoothly from here until the end of the Gathering.
 
Tobias spoke up as Lord Jaias walked back to the door, “I am very sorry that happened, sir. I know that you wanted to make a good impression on the young lady. It would seem that Lady Alara is very much against you having any type of relationship with her daughter.”
 
Lord Jaias only gave a slight grin as a response, “Did you hear her, Tobias? Cixithara referred to me as her uncle. My sister has failed. She simply has not realized it yet.”

The Nighfall Saga: Moving Pieces (Part 4)

“I have been trying to see you, Mother, but it has been really hard to get away. It is  like Lord Jaias is trying to make up for all the lost time between us in a matter of a day or two.”
 
Most had gone to bed quite a while ago. Now was only time that Cixi wasn’t being primped and preened by a team of hand maidens. Or tethered to Lord Jaias’ hip. Ever since the spectacle at dinner, Cixi had been asked to accompany Lord Jaias everywhere he went. She knew that everyone was still talking about her. Even more now that she had become the "favored niece". But, at least no one would dare to do it to her face. 

In her mother’s bedroom, they both sat  quietly in the darkness. Darkness which was only lifted by the moonlight spilling in through the windows and the outdoor lamps on the city streets. They spoke in whispers to each other, so as not to wake anyone. But mostly to not be overheard.
 
“I can’t really tell him no. I am staying in his house,” Cixi explained,” I am eating his food. All these clothes I wear every day are things that belong to him. I can’t just be openly defiant. You and Father taught us better than that.”
 
“Cixi, sweetie,” Alara said, gently grabbing onto her daughter’s forearms, “I do not like you being around my brother. I know him better than anyone. I don’t want you getting close to him.”
 
“Why?” Cixi asked.
 
“Just listen to you mother, sweetheart. I know best about these things.”
 
“i have done a lot of growing up while I have been away, Mother,” Cixi answered, “I can handle whatever it is that you think is bad about Lord Jaias."

Alara did not answer, so Cixi kept pushing.

"We are already keeping our being here a secret from Father, Taulithran and Zendier. And I have not asked why we are doing that. But the least you can do is tell me why I have to stay away from someone whom I share blood with.”
 
Alara sighed, seeing that her daughter was not going to let this go. She straightened a bit in her chair and let her hands slide down to Cixi's elbows. Alara looked at Cixi earnestly.

“My brother always has a reason for doing things,” Alara replied, “And most of his reasons are self serving. I don’t know why he is doing what he is doing, but I am sure that it can only hurt you once it is all over. It is what this family does.”
 
 “He doesn’t really seem all that bad to me,” Cixi whispered back, "He has done nothing but try and make me feel welcome."
 
“He isn’t bad, not entirely” Alara replied, “He was a kind man once. And he will continue to be kind until you decide not to fall in line with his plan. Then you will see him for what he truly is. I want to get you away from him before it ever reaches that point.”
 
Cixi made to promises to her mother that night. In fact, despite her mother’s warnings and pleading, Cixi found herself at Jaias’ side more times than not. At meals, she was requested to sit at his table. Evening activities, she stood at his side. There were even times where she was called to his study, where no one was allowed in but him and her. The two of them shared small conversations about things that seemed inconsequential. What was life at the village like? How did she get along with her brothers? How were things growing up? And the more she shared about the Daybreaker Clan, the more Lord Jaias would share about House Ebonlynx
 
Despite Cixi feeling very awkward around her uncle, she could not see what her mother was so worried about. He was genuinely nice, even if it was wrapped in a chilled and stilted distance. However, every night, Cixi’s mother implored her to stop saying yes to Lord Jaias when he requested to see her. And even though Cixi could not see the justification in it, she could not ignore her mother’s fear forever.

Hair Journey: Flat Twists

May marks the one year anniversary of when I last used a relaxer in my hair. I really thought I had my hair management down to science at this point. Nope! Not even close. My hair is showing me that I have absolutely no idea what is it is capable of doing and becoming. My hair has hit it's unruly teen years, where it has no idea what it is or what it wants to do in life. It just knows that it is different and it wants to shout that difference from the roof tops.

My ends are relaxed still, because I just can't bring myself to do the big chop. The roots have grown out beautifully; soft, wavy and healthy. But I don't know what to do with it. I haven't had this kind of texture in my hair since I was 13. This is the point where I am so tempted to put that creamy crack right back on there and forget I ever started this. To fight this urge, I am going to find a hairstyle that is works while my hair gets through this phase in it's life.


 


















I was never the master of cornrows or braiding in general.  I know how to do it, but they weren't the prettiest things one to look at. Recently I was introduced to the Flat Twist, the simpler cousin to the cornrow. The basic principle of between the two styles are the same. The only difference is instead of braiding three strands of hair, you twist two strands of hair. I don't know why that makes it easier, but it just does. Trust me.

It took me some practice with this hairstyle before I managed something that I was okay with wearing out in public. I watched several YouTube videos, Googled tons of images and read so many articles, I felt like I knew everything there was to know. I keep my twisting routine simple. I brush my edges and put aloe vera gel on them to tame some of the unruliness. I divide my hair into sections and decide what pattern I'm going to twist my hair in. I part with a rat tail comb (because it makes the parts cleaner) and add hair lotion to my hair before I start twisting.

While this style is a bit more frustrating to do, I think it is worth it. Once you get the basics down, you can be as creative or as simplistic as you want. And personally, I like styles that are versatile. Is flat twists something you have done before or have wanted to try? Any hairstyles you have wanted to do yourself, but got frustrated with? Keep practicing and one day you might surprise yourself.

Nightfall Saga: Moving Pieces (Part 3)

Utensils clicked on plates as lively conversation filled the dining hall. That table were Cixi was seated was no different. However, Cixi really didn’t have much to say or add to the conversations being had. She wondered if this was what it was like to be the Seneschal or someone who had the last name, Silvacce. Blathering on about things which were only important to those seated around the table. Cixi believed it all rather dull, to say the least. So, she sat quietly and chewed her food as those around her battled with words and wit.
 
“So tell me, Young Lady Cixithara, how do you spend your day?”
 
Cixi snapped her eyes up and over to the woman who had addressed her, being painfully obvious that she had not been paying one bit of attention to the rambling that had been going on since she had sat down. Even with the smile on the woman’s lips, Cixi could tell that the question wasn’t really one of curiosity so much as it was for malevolent intent.
 
“I am under the employ of House Silvacce,” Cixi answered simply.
 
From the reaction of the table, the answer had been unexpected. Maybe they had wanted her to say something like she swung from tree branches all day and slept with dragonhawks. Or that she rolled around in mud pits. A part of Cixi had a small bit of satisfaction that she had shocked them.
 
“Ah, House Silvacce,” the woman continued, that viper-like look still in her eye, “I have some familiarity with that name. Tell me, what does someone of your upbringing offer to a House such as them?”
 
“What do you mean by that question?” Cixi asked, eyes narrowing.
 
“Even though we are not known to you, that does not mean you are not known to us,” the woman quipped haughtily, “ It was quite the gossip when your mother ran off to live in that little village with those people. I wouldn’t have expected anyone from there to been able to find any place among any house that has such a renowned name. Unless you clean out their stables, of course.”
 
Cixi could feel her ears burning again. But this time it was not embarrassment. She hadn't realized that she gripping her knife as tightly as she was until she felt a hand lightly rest on her wrist.

“You are quite bold, Millicent. You would dare open your mouth and insult a guest at my table?”
 
Cixi hadn’t noticed that Lord Jaias was paying attention to this side conversation. Though his voice was calm and serenely placid, a commanding quality laced around his words. His eyes slowly slid effortlessly over to the woman who Cixi had been speaking with.
 
“It would be best if you remembered your place while in my house. I hope that I do not have to repeat myself after this.”

Part 4