A Somber note

Haven't written anything in a while. I really have no idea what I'm going to write about now. Honestly, not a whole lot has been going on. Well, I will take that back. A few things have been going, but I don't think they would make for good blog material. Just mindless blather about how my past week has been. The short of it, I just started back on rotations and it seems like this one (OB/GYN) has the most brutal hours ever. Probably worse than Surgery. However, Surgery get a leg up on being the worst, time wise, because it is 12 weeks long. I'm not looking forward to that whatsoever.

I suppose I do have something that is a bit somber to talk about. I recently ran into a woman that I did not recognize when I first saw her. I happened to walk up behind this person, her hair was shorn short, she had a very slouched posture with her head leaned to one side. Her walk was pretty slow, her upper body was hunched forward, and her left arm just dangled at her side like spaghetti noodle. On any other day, I would have simply dismissed this person as someone I didn't know and keep walking. But today, I paid attention. Then the longer I looked, the more I began to realize that this woman was no stranger to me. She was actually someone that I knew and had just spoke with not but a few months before.

I met this woman right when I started medical school. And over the past few years, I would say that she was definitely the foundation on which my medical career has been built. The last time I saw her, she was the one who told me that I could do the work and that she expected great things from me. I never want to let her down. And now to see her like this. It was like being smacked in the face with a brick. How could this have happened to her? She looked nothing like I remember. Part of me wanted to run up and talk to her. Smile at her. Act as if her current state meant nothing. Instead, I stood there in indecision, watching her walk away from me. Using the excuse of "Well, she is talking to another student. I wouldn't want to interrupt"  I tried to make myself not feel bad that I didn't call out to her. 

She has cancer. Cancer that was in remission. Something that we, as a school, believed was gone for good. And now this. And to her of all people. It makes me more than sad.

Daily Write - Built for Reverence

It was adoration for the Sun which made this place exist. It was reverence for the Moon which pulled this place into being. It was the acknowledgment of the push and pull that happens in front of our eyes constantly. And the realization we can do nothing but be a part of the wax and wane that caused this place. This temple was a construct to remind us. A glorification of things unknown. A glorification of the mystery that is this world. This is the Temple of Gamond.

The temple houses three sanctums. One side devoted to the Sun, which sits in the east. The other to the Moon, which sits in the west. And in the center is the sanctum dedicated to life created in the midst of these two heavenly bodies. Inside the Sactum of the Moon sits the Seat of Lesser Light. A silvery throne, crafted so that its beauty is from subtlety. The calm shimmer from its demure arrangement and design cascades along the walls.Ripples effortlessly flowing from one concentric point in constant motion. Here people come and pray, kneeling before the stars, bathed in silver cascades. They clasps their hands together, white knuckled, focused on the Seat that covers them in lesser light.

Inside the Sanctum of the Sun is the Seat of Dawn. A towering throne, dazzling, glowing with light all its own. The burning star personified in materials from the earth and crafted into an object of sovereignty.There is no prayer here. No one kneeling and making earnest petition. Only shouts. Loud raising of voices often paired with drums and dancing. Brilliant and bright as the Sun is the manner of those who enter in this sactum and become before the Seat of Dawn. They dance and shout in the gleaming rays of the sactum and the greater light.

But for all the majesty that are these two sanctums dedicated to the celestial bodies above, I was never drawn to either as much as I was drawn to the Sanctum of The World. Here there is no seat, no throne to be occupied by an outside thing we cannot reach. There is no light from thrones. No, here grows the Tree of Beginnings, a monolithic spread of branches and leaves that stretch towards the heavens. A part of this world that has been here since before the Ages that is now surrounded by lesser trees and flowering plants; gardens that sprout things of beauty. Things that remind us of life and how it hangs in the balance of things unknown. There is no bowing of knees here. There is no chanting and beating of ceremonial drums. There is just us, beneath trees and among the grass. Us and only us. Men and women. And the world.

This is the Temple of Gamond. This is the acknowledgment our people have for the things we understand and the reverence we have for the things we do not. We pray, we rejoice, we live. And we do this under the light of the Sun and Moon.

Ideas on the Shelf

A few days ago, I went through all my old books and notebooks and purged myself all of the crap that I had accumulated over the past 6 years or so. Most of the stuff that I came across were old notes and handouts that I could get rid of. I was amazed at just how much I had amassed in such a short time. Then I stumbled across an old notebook that I hadn't looked at in years. During my years in undergrad, I started playing roleplaying. It was mostly D&D campaigns that I participated in, but I did play other games as well. And in this old three ring binder, I found the character sheets of the last few characters that I played before I retired my dice. Not only did I have the character sheets, but I also had the back stories and any extra things I had written up for them. I had forgotten some of the ideas that I had come with. And it was entertaining to go back over them.

The most elaborate character I made writing wise was Tesara Avion, a character for a Star Wars campaign. After reading her back story, I wanted to go back and flesh out this world that I had created for this character. She was from a jungle planet and lived in a village that was built in a canopy. I could see that I had a lot of ideas flying around at one time, some interesting and others not so much. But now I want to bring that world back to life somehow. Maybe not the whole Star Wars part of it, but the civilization that I was building does have a bit of merit to it. It made me wonder what this would have led to world building wise had I completed it.

So I put the binder back on the bookshelf, with a number of other story ideas that I had written down and forgotten about. Maybe one day I will be able to sit down with this idea that I had many years ago and finally make it into something tangible.

Odd man out

I think it is time for a whiny blog, what do you think? Yeah, we are pretty overdue for one. I had a conversation with a friend the other day and I found myself falling into this mood. Here I am, an adult, and one of the main things that plague me constantly is the fact that I feel out of sync with just about everyone around me. As if everyone got the memo and mine got lost in the mail. This is what you are supposed to be into. Now go and be assimilated.

So what is it that I feel is wrong with me? I can't really put it into words. I think the issue lies in two areas: What I like and how people react to what I like. I feel I don't operate like a med student should. I feel like my passions should lie in something that is related to medicine. And while I do find some articles about the health field to be interesting, that's not what has my attention. Instead, my brain is always taken over by gaming, writing, art, and music. Sure, medicine is what I want to do with my life. There are no doubts about that. But there is not the same feeling about it as there is about these other things. Sometimes, I wonder what would my life be like if I had done something different. If I had decided that writing was my career instead of something science related. If I had taken art classes instead of taking two languages in high school. Would I be in a place where I feel like I belong? Would my interests line up with takes priority in my mind.

It's not that I'm ostracized. In fact, it is quite the opposite. People like me, oddities and all. But the moment I get asked the question "What is your favorite..." I know that the separating line is about to be drawn. I hate the looks I get after I open my mouth. As if I have all of the sudden become something very confusing. For example, on my birthday, some friends took me out for drinks. We were having a good time when it came out that I was a participant in NaNoWriMo and had actually finished a novel in a month. I was asked what it was about. I should have just said pirates and have been done with it. But no, I threw in other terms which I believed made the book unique and fun. I was looked at as if horns were starting to grow out of my skull. 'What was steampunk? I thought the setting would be in a real place. That's not the answer I expected."

I get tired of being the one that no one seems to understand. The one standing on the fringe of everyone else. Like them, but not like them at the same time. I know, it is the same lament of an angst-riddled teenager who believes that no one in world understands them. There are others who like what I like and don't find my interests the least bit strange. It is just that none of them are my classmates.

The Secret of NIMH

I was in the grocery store recently and saw the The Secret of NIMH on sale for $6 and had to pick it up. I remember watching this movie when I was really young and loving it. I also remember that I didn't totally understand what was going on. There a mother mouse who was trying to protect her kids, mainly her sick  mouse son. And the rest of the story was sort of a haze. There was a pretty necklace involved and some rat that had glowing eyes. Outside of that, I didn't remember anything substantial.

So I was interested to see how this movie stood up to my childhood memory of it. Also, I wanted to know what the actual story was about. So, very much in the fashion that I probably took on when I watched it as a child, I sat in front of the television and watched The Secret of NIMH again. I found that I had remembered parts of the movie incorrectly. And other places, there was information that I had skipped over in my youth. For instance, I had no idea that NIMH was acronym. And I had no idea that the rats were stealing electricity from the farmhouse. (I still don't understand how that worked). And aside from the amulet glowing, I didn't remember the ending to this movie whatsoever.

What I did remember was that this movie was made from a book. I think it was the first movie that I had ever heard of coming from a book. And I wanted to read that book. I don't know why I never got my hands on it, but that started my whole fascination with movies that were based off of books.

Did the movie stand that test of time? I suppose so. Being 20 or so years older now than when I first watched it, I can't help but have a ton of questions when it comes to the plot of the story. But it is definitely something that I would want my younger cousins watch and be as in awe of the story as I was when I watched it for the first time.

Post 85 Activities (WoW Stuffs)

So, I found some things to entertain myself with recently. And now I am going to share them on this blog. So of course, the thing to do right now is run around the Firelands and do dailies. Sneaky Blizzard, making you do a quest chain to open up the dailies. And then having you gather marks from those dailies to open up more dailies. I am just waiting for them to ask me to sign over my first born. (Which most of us would actually consider depending on the loot. Don't lie). So let me tell you about one of those quests which made me want to send my fist through the screen.

For those of you who play, the quest is called Enduring the Heat. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, let me explain. You get asked to run inside of this fire cave and you have to stomp out 8 runes. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. Fire elementals are swarming that place like flies on rotting meat, all waiting for you to enter and try your luck. And they hit like trucks. Especially when a large group decides to jump your ass like some gang initiation. This was not the frustrating part. The frustrating part was the fact that I could only find 7 of the 8 runes and was usually running to my death to find the 8th one. 4 deaths later, I found that 8th rune tucked in a corner. This let's you know just how much Blizzard loves to mess with us. Yeah, that rune you are looking for...on the ground behind that pile of rocks, behind you. Just want to see how many times you die before you decided to hop over that way. Let's just say, I am extremely grateful that I don't have to do that particular quest again.

Aside from Firelands, I have decided to visit the Argent Tournament. I never did that during Wrath. I only had one 80 and then ended up taking a very long hiatus from WoW due to school. (Stupid school). I'm only doing it now for the Dragonhawk mount, really. One of my guildies has one and I want one as well. Not sure how long it will take me to get it, but it's a goal. Nothing really exciting to say about this chain of quests so far. I just got started, so it is basically simple things. Or I just might be spoiled by the chaotic fray that is the Firelands daily quests.

I started PvPing, just as something to do. You really can't wipe a PvP group, so I never have that anxiety of "I don't know what I'm doing" *nervously chew nails*. Whoever had the grand idea of putting time limits on Battlegrounds deserves a kiss. That is what I used to hate, previously. You could be in one battleground forever before a side would win. Now it's "complete before time runs out" and it is best. I picked up my first piece of PvP gear yesterday. I don't think I have ever gotten PvP gear before. By the time I had enough honor to purchase anything, I had already gotten something out of the raid that was just as good if not better. So actually getting to buy something was pretty awesome.

I had at first decided that I was going to trade my honor points for Justice points in order to get PvE gear. But then it thought about it. I should get PvP gear, since that is what I'm doing. Let me not try to fool myself into thinking that I am going to be doing any dungeons or raids soon. Let's just go with what is in front of me right now. And if I get my full PvP set, then I can start dumping my honor into Justice points.

So this and role playing has been about all that I have been doing. So far, so good. I am working on a mini storyline for my character to rp out. I just haven't figured out how to make it involve everyone just yet. I think I can have the spot light on me for a little bit, just so long as I don't bore people to death. I will probably sit down and write some things out and figure out how to make things interactive. I like the way my guild does rp events, so I want to incorporate as much of that as I possibly can. Plus, it would be my first mini story that didn't involve everyone sitting around a table and just talking.

So yeah, that ends my WoW adventure talk for today :)

Daily Write - Nothing Exists

Let's just lie here.

Lie here and never move.

Never acknowledge the world beyond that door.

Let's ignore it all.

Ignore everything as if it didn't exist.

Believing in nothing outside of these four walls.

Just you, just me. That will be the only thing allowed.

Let's just forget.

Forget it all.

We can lie here and pretend that none of it exists.

Existed never, exists ever,

Let's erase it from our minds as we just lie here

In this perfect world of nothing that we will never move from.

Let's make it so I never have to leave.

Make it so you never have to go

Pretend that we can make this moment stretch to eternity

And nothing exists but you, me and these four walls.