Fanfic, a waste of time?

I suppose it was the natural progression of things. I like writing. I like roleplaying. Then the worlds collided and I started writing stories about the characters that I was playing. Part of me feels very guilty when I sit down and craft out an entire story based on a roleplay character. Especially if that character is based in WoW. Every single time, I feel like I am wasting my time. I should be putting my energy into writing something "real". And by real, I probably just mean the story isn't based off of something that another person created. I'm not entirely sure why I feel like this. I mean, writing is writing and you can only get better at writing if you write, right? What does it matter if I am cutting my teeth on some fan fiction? Sure I can't land the latest bestseller with it, but does that really matter?

But no, there is this voice in the back of my head that keeps screaming that I am wasting time. That I should be working on things that could possibly be published and not mess around with things that really aren't going to matter in the long run. But writing for my rp characters is so much fun. I love fleshing them out and making them real. I love giving them side stories and backgrounds and adding dimensions to them. And what I love most of all is having other players see these stories and understanding my character a bit more.

So it is a constant fight. Write side stories for my rp characters or write stories that could possibly go into a book that will have my name on it. Right now, WoW fanfiction is winning.

Music changes everything

It amazes me how my mood can be so easily set by music. Sometimes, I think that I might be paying attention to it too much. No one should be that effected, right? But then I decide that at this stage in the game, I am the way I am and I might as well embrace it. Some people describe music as "having a nice sound" or "it has a beat I like" but for me, music is more than that. I blame my over active mind.


When certain songs come on, I just close my eyes and listen. Honestly, there are times where I feel like I'm flying. Well feel like what I imagine flying would feel like. I couldn't possibly have any other thoughts going through my head at this moment. The music has totally entranced me and for that 3-5 minutes, nothing exists in the world outside of that song and the feeling that I have attached to it.


There are times when I can be in a terrible mood and the music that I have playing can augment that mood or completely turn it around. Sometimes I wonder, am I the only person who reacts this way. I can be having the worst day, but the moment I put on some music that gets me hyped up, all that other stuff just seems to slide into the background.


Or I can do just the opposite. I remember being angry a lot as a teenager (wow, I was an angsty teen, who ever would have pegged that one) and the one thing I would do was play certain music really loud and just stand in front of the speakers. The best way I could describe what was happen was it felt like my anger was just burning itself out. I would just get more and more angry until finally I didn't feel anything anymore. I would just feel empty.


I suppose I should caveat this by saying that not every song I listen to has this effect. If it did, I would never be able to have the radio on in my car. But the amount of music that does is pretty high. I never admitted this out loud, because I thought people would think that I was crazy. Most of the time when I explain how things work in my head, I get that sideways glance. So I have learned to keep my mouth shut and continue to ride the rides that are in the carnival of my brain. 


It's an inexplicable phenomenon, at least to me, but one that I constantly take advantage of.

It has been an entire year!!!

So, shameless plug. But I figure if you are looking at my blog, it is all about me anyway. May marks one year of me writing Click Here For Comics over at UnSung Heroes. Honestly, I never really expected it to go for this long or for it to be as welcomed on the site as it is. Writing about webcomics had been something that I wanted to do for several months before I was introduced to the site. I was looking for a platform to stand on and they gave me one.

Honestly, I was expecting to be looked over since I didn't really have that strong of a background in print comics. Sure I knew about them, but I had just started reading some of the larger name in print comics and had a  lot of learning to do when it come to super heroes and all that. However, that didn't seem to matter. I knew webcomics, knew what I liked and what I didn't like and people seemed to be pretty receptive to that.

If I had time to write more than just one article a month, I would. Doing this had sent me searching for other things to write about, different genres to look at and consider, and giving me the ability to say "Yeah, this is a good comic, however, I'm just not the target audience.". I have a lot of fun writing these. I have yet to sit down in front of a blank screen and say "Oh good Lord, I have to do this again.". I always have a feeling of, "Which one on this list am I going to do this week!"

I think the icing on this cake was given to me a few weeks ago when someone suggested a webcomic for me to look at review. Me handing out thoughts on a topic is one thing. Someone actually wanted to hear my thoughts is definitely something different. Makes me feel like I have built somewhat of a re pore and that's pretty cool.

So now that I have made it a full year, how long do I plan on keeping this up? Honestly I don't know. I guess I just ride it out until it's over. And I have no idea when that will be. But, webcomics is always going to be something that is near and dear to my heart. And I will probably be talking about them from now until forever as long as there is someone to listen.

On that note, let me plug the lastest edition of Click Here For Comics where I review the comic, Fey Winds.
http://www.the-ush.com/ucomic-reviewsu/click-here-for-comics-13-fey-winds/
Click and enjoy!

Can't afford to lose focus

It is amazing sometimes how one thing, one thought, one sentence can dictate how the rest of you day and/or week is going to be. And that one small thing can spread from one person to the next. And the next thing you know, the room just reeks of it.


So, my STEP 1 date is looming ever closer and someone breathed the word "fail" in my ear. For a moment too long, I latched onto that thought and all the confidence I had built up over the past few months came down like a house of cards. All that time and effort, crushed by one fear, one doubt. Those along with me had the same doubt and for whatever reason and we were all giving into it. One by one, we were all coming down.


I went to run some errands late Friday afternoon and decided that no, I wasn't going to give into this. I wasn't going to have all my hard work be eaten up by anxiety. I wasn't going to stand in faith this long and then give up right at the end. No, I was going to see this all the way through to the end. I was going to continue to work, believe and pray and put away this worrying about what could happen. After I had made that decision, I felt better.


Now with my dark cloud gone and the smile back on my face, I headed back to the study cave. The moment I opened the door, I could feel it. That nervous, panicked, weighted energy that seemed to drag your very spirit down to the floor. The entire place was permeated with it. I didn't even want to walk in. It felt so dreary and hopeless in there. You could just see it on everyone's face. People feeling defeated and ready to throw in the towel. I hoping that over the weekend, those guys get themselves together and this week will be a new week. We can't afford to give into fear at this point. Way too much to lose.


Plus, I am going to buy a plant for the study cave. Those long faces are killing me.

Ugh. Spare me, please.

Looking at this, two meandering thoughts in one post. So the first part is going to be kind of ranty and the second part is going to be about WoW roleplay. Everyone all ready to go? Awesome.


First off, I can tell that I am starting to get that callous nature about me again. Where I want to just stare at some people and say "Who cares? Honestly, do you think that anyone gave a second thought at all?" I hate when I get like this. I feel like I should always be nice and be understanding. But in some situations, I just want to flash the stank eye and tell the person to sit down somewhere. Recently, more and more of these situations are falling in my lap and it just keeps getting harder and harder to grin and nod. I feel sorry of the person who comes across me and I'm all out of giving a damn. 


"No, no one cares! You aren't that special! Sit over there and be quiet! And I'm glad your feelings are hurt. Maybe next time you will think before you come parading in here like you are God's gift to rest of us and we are lucky to be graced with your presence. In fact, no. Don't sit over there. Get the fuck out!"


It's different when your presence actually matters. If things are different when you are there versus when you aren't. But if you are doing nothing but just adding to the decor of the room, why the hell would you think it mattered that you gone? That's like missing a rug when  you already have carpet. And why do you think it matters that you're back? It doesn't matter. No one cares. You can cancel the fucking parade.


And of course, I'm going to tagged for being mean for thinking this. But whatever. I'll take the cloak of the bad guy for this one, because I know that I'm not the only one thinking it.




Now onto WoW news. I think I have a story for my character and I'm loosely laying down the foundation in game and seeing where it takes me. I haven't figured out how to integrate other people in yet or not run over some game stuff that is already in the works, rpwise. So far I'm pretty happy with the story and I am going to see how the others react to it and gauge whether it is something I will pursue farther.


So that's it for this blog. Think I will go and call it an early night. Hooray for sleep!

Daily Write - Run Away

Things should have been familiar, felt welcoming, like walking into a second home. This was what I was lead to believe this would feel like. It was far from that. It was like walking onto a stage being told to perform but never having learned a line, lyric, or note. People simply stared from underneath fancy hats, pinned up-do's and behind sideways glances. They were all curious but concerned at the same time. The lines along the sides of their heart shaped mouths gave them away, along with the pinched creases on the outside of their eyes.


Like an unnatural pull, people drifted away from me. Their very base instinct was to dash away and gawk from a distance as one would do a spectre. But etiquette and  manners only let them slip ever so slowly to the sides, acting as if they were making way for me to pass by. However, I knew better. And they knew that I knew.


On display, like an animal in a gilded cage for all to stare at and whisper about. This place and it's people were no different. Here things were supposed to be safe, supposed to feel like coming home. But nothing could be any more opposite. I want to run, run and never come back. But I can't, because everyone else is blocking the exits.