The Dungeon Master of Beginner's Dice

Well, I finally went and did it. I am finally DMing my own game. It's awesome and terrifying. Now, I'm not just telling a story. I'm building a world and asking people to play in it. Play in it, play and hope they enjoy it. I have been wanting to DM my own campaign for quite some time. I had run storylines on roleplay forums before. But something about being a DM in a live game is different.

I started roleplaying back in college. I had a number of DMs who displayed a number of different playing styles. And after a while, I knew that I wanted to run my own game. However, I was too scared. Too self conscious. I didn't know the rules well enough to be comfortable running a game with my friends, who had more experience than me. I wasn't as familiar with fantasy or fantasy settings as the rest of my friends were. I always believed there had to be a perfect streamlined story which everyone was to follow and I did not believe that I could come up with something that anyone would enjoy. So I never opted to run a game. Just sat and wished; until finally one day I decided to just do it, fear and all.

Firstly, being a DM is way more time consuming that I had believed it was going to be when I decided that I was going to do this. Partially because of my perfectionist disposition and partially because I wasn't entirely in the know about what a DM had to do in order to run a campaign. But mostly because I took it upon myself to design the entire world from nothing. Because why make it easy on myself, right? The writer in me wanted to create and world build. This is where I have the most fun as a DM. Designing people, places, structures and ruling powers. Making an intricately complex, living, breathing landscape. I could get lost in it for hours. But this takes a lot of time. And I have to make decisions on what parts in this world are more important, meaning they will be completed first. I won't lie, I was very overwhelmed when I started out. I mean, how do you create an entire world from a blank sheet of paper? But I found out that you don't. Not at first. First, you start off small. You make a village, then a town, then a small city and continue from there as the group explores. Once I learned that, world building for the game became much easier to manage.

The terrifying part of running a game for me is the uncertainty that comes with preparing for the unpredictable. I was completely under the impression that DMs knew exactly what would happen at all times and had a plan for everything that would happen during the session. I quickly came to understand that was an illusion. I don't know what the players are going to do from one moment to the next. I don't know if they will take the plot hook. I don't know how they are going to interact with the NPCs. Or if they will even head in the direction that I have set up. For all I know, they could end up on some uncharted path that I had not given any thought to in the least. But it is this uncertainty that makes the game exciting for me as DM. The players don't know what the plan is. So they could be surprised at any moment. I don't know how my players are going to react to what I have planned. So I too could be surprised at any moment. So, instead of being anxious about it, I try to stay open and as flexible as possible.

My thinking like a DM has been slowly evolving as well. As a writer, I have complete control of the entire story. A story that centers on a cast of characters that I have constructed to fit seamlessly into my narrative. But now, I am more focused on the players and trying to figure out what would be awesome for their characters. Trying to make a narrative that everyone can participate in and feel a vested interest. I never had a "cool" character when I roleplayed. I was always outshined by someone else in the group. Someone was always faster, louder, more charasmatic, or better at minmaxing the dice. And I never played campaigns long enough for my character to have goals or something to obtain or aspire to. My character was simply just another body in the group. I don't want that feeling for any of my players. I want each person to feel like they have their moments in the spotlight. To feel like their characters matter in the story they are playing through.

 I am not sure how long this campaign will last or how often we will play. But I am very glad that I got over my self consciousness and I did this. It is a different feel, writing something for others to mess around with. Being flexible and thinking on my feet for several hours at a time. And to watch others interact with what you have put together. I am going to have as much fun as I possibly can and hopefully those who are coming along with me on this journey will have just as much fun as I am.

Reminiscing about the days of make believe

Once upon a time, when times were different, a girl was handed her first set of dice.  Little did I know that night was going to open the door to something that I would enjoy being part of for years to come.

The first time I got invited to a roleplaying session, I remember my reaction quite vividly. I wrinkled my nose, twisted my lip and said no without a second thought. I didn't want anything to do with sitting around and pretending that I was casting a spell or some such nonsense. I could think of better ways to spend my weekends. However, I am guessing that was not the first time a reaction like mine had been given, because I was asked again. This time, it was to just sit and observe. If I didn't like what I saw, then I would never asked again. I went, prepared to be underwhelmed and practicing my rejection speech in my head. These were my friends, after all. No need to be nasty.

They pulled out pencils and character sheets, books and guides. Then the discussion of who they were to become started. I am not sure what it was about the character creation process that tapped into my curiosity. The thought that went into crafting a character, making a person that you were to play, it was like making a character for a performance that was happening in real time. And perform they did. Perform we did.

From that moment on, roleplaying became an almost weekly ritual. In the same way people got dressed up and went out to bars and clubs, I grabbed my bag of dice and headed to a friend's house to immerse myself in a world of make believe. I credit a large amount of my ability create characters and build worlds to those nights where I sat on couches, drinking Mountain Dew and eating Papa Johns, listening to the elaborate setups and situations our characters found themselves in. Imagining city streets and back alleys, weighing words of NPCs, wondering if they were friend or foe, always thinking "What would my character do?".

Unfortunately, time changes things. Too soon I was packing up my life and moving forward with it. All of my roleplaying circle did much the same and our nights together are now nothing more than fond memories I replay in my head from time to time. Like old home movies stored away in a dusty beaten up box somewhere. Fighting enemies, solving puzzles, battling in arenas, arguing amongst ourselves, buying my first set of dice, being taken to my first game shop, looking at figurines, so many good memories from those times I would have missed out on because of a preconceived notion that wasn't even mine to begin with.

I miss those days now. I miss them a lot.

Daily Write - Mistaken Heart

Cixi sat, straddling the railing that enclosed the balcony overlooking the courtyard of her uncle’s estate. Here, the bustle around her seemed to be much quieter. The hurried day magically melted into lazy afternoon. She could never quite get used to it. Something so lush and serene existing in the midst of the capitol city. She was learning more and more that the Ebonlynx name could manage to do nearly anything, magic or otherwise.

So intent on the thoughts that held her mind captive, Cixi had not heard the doors to the balcony opening. Nor had she heard the foot falls of booted feet cross the threshold.

“Well one of us is deep in thought. Are you going to tell me what is bothering you, or are you going to make me guess?”

Cixi turned to see her uncle, framed in the doorway. Long strides carried Lord Jaias from the door to the balcony railing next to his niece. He had exchanged his usual stately attire for a more simplistic and humble outfit. And yet there was still something about his demeanor that would not let his social status be hidden under the meagerness of clothing choice. And his fire red almost seemed to burn, the highlights glowing golden in the afternoon sun. So was the man who sat at the head of House Ebonlynx

“Nothing is wrong, Uncle,” Cixi reassured, keeping her perch on the railing and leaning over to kiss him on both cheeks, “I was just daydreaming is all.”

“You’re just as bad a liar as your mother,” Lord Jaias replied, kissing his niece back, “Your charming fake smiles don’t work on me, young one. It wasn’t one of the family, was it? I have spoken to them about how they are to treat you.”

“No, it wasn’t that at all.”

“Is it the headaches again?”

Cixi shook her head, “No. I haven’t had to deal with any of that for a while now. You don’t have anything to worry about, Uncle. Just lost in my head is all. I’m sitting out here, thinking.”

Cixi subconsciously bit her lower lip for a split second, before remembering how her uncle constantly scolded her about doing so. But he had seen it before she was able to cover it up. He raised his eyebrow at her, his green eyes staring deep into her’s. Cixi hated that look. She always felt so childish and small when he looked at her like that. It cut everything away and reached into her bare soul.

“You are going to think me a very silly little girl,” Cixi started explaining, eyes falling away from her uncle’s glance. Her legs started to swing as she spoke, “I don’t even know why I am giving any thought to it at all. It’s utterly and completely ridiculous.”

“So,” Lord Jaias said, turning and leaning backwards against the railing, “What is his name?”

Cixi looked up, giving her uncle a startled look. A wry grin grew on his face, “You have a tell, my young one. And it is more than just that lip biting thing you do.”

Cixi looked away, not sure if she was flustered more by the fact that her uncle could read her thoughts or by the fact that she was having the thoughts at all. She took a deep breath, taking a moment to try and organize everything in head.

“It’s complicated,” she started, “I am not even sure how it all started. I think at first, I just wanted him to notice me. Just acknowledge that I existed. I thought that was all that I wanted. I would be happy with just that. And I was, for a time. But now, everything is so different.”

“Different?”

Cixi paused, her eyes moving back and forth at the scenery in front of her, as if  the explanation were somewhere amidst the flowers and shrubbery.

“I catch myself holding my breath whenever he walks past me,” she replied finally, “I’m always smiling like a fool whenever he calls my name. I try to force myself not to, but I can’t. Being near him makes me feel sick inside. But it’s a feeling I don’t want to let go of. I keep telling myself that I need to stop. I need to pull myself together. But I can’t. I simply can’t.”

“You even flush when you talk about him,” Lord Jaias teased.

He watched Cixi put her hands to her face, as if she could somehow wipe away the pink hue that was starting to creep along her countenance. 

“So why is that you want these feelings to go away?” Lord Jaias asked,” Do you think that he won’t feel the same about you?”

“He can’t feel the same way about me,” Cixi sighed, letting her hands fall and shoulders slump slightly, “It would be disastrous. There are simply too many things to complicate even the thought of pursuing anything beyond the relationship we already have.”

“You both are friends?”

“I am his subordinate.”

“Oh, Cixithara.”

Lord Jaias’ voice said it all. He did not need to say anymore. The downward lilt his voice took. How Cixi’s name was more of a breath than an actual word escaping his lips. She wasn’t sure if her uncle was disappointed or simply pitied her for making such a mistake.

“Ashbough,” Cixi said, pushing down the emotions that were rising in her chest, “Commander Ashbough of all people. It could have been anyone, Uncle. Anyone at all. Why him? Why does it have to be him?”

Cixi turned and looked at the gardens below her once again. Everything was calm, peaceful and serene.

“I’m a stupid girl,” she whispered, “A stupid stupid girl and I can’t make it stop.”

MoonGuard Twitter Project

There are some things you see and you view it with nothing but skepticism, not entirely sure how it is going to work or pan out. I can say that was exactly how I felt when I first heard about the MoonGuard Twitter Project. While it was a good thought, I was not exactly sure how well it was going to be executed. Let me explain what the Twitter Project is all about.


An idea that first started on Wyrmrest Accord found its way into the Moon Guard forums. You would make a Twitter account for your roleplay character. You could only follow other rp characters and all your tweets had to be in character. The in character explanation for this was that in the marketplaces of all the major cities of Azeroth, there are magic books for sale. If you write in it, all the other owners of the same type of book can see what you have written. It would be a way for a large amount of roleplayers to connect and expand the roleplay experience.


My inner Twitter nut went crazy over the thought of roleplaying via Twitter. But the skeptic side of me was in full swing. I wasn't sure who was signing up, who I was going to follow, would the tweets be any good, just lots and lots of doubts of how well this was going to go down. So I slept on it, fully expecting that within a month or so the whole project would be nothing but tumbleweeds and crickets.


Well several months later, when I went back to see how the project was doing, it looked like things were only getting bigger and people involved were really enjoying themselves. My skepticism still was not entirely gone, but I saw that some of the people that I roleplay regularly were signed up. So, I just closed my eyes and took the plunge. Worst thing that could happen...I didn't like it and I would delete the account.


Well now I see just why the project did not fold in on itself. I am able to converse with so many more roleplayers now. Had I been at home with my gaming computer, I would have looked them up and tried to rp with them all in game. And watching conversations between some of these characters is so entertaining! I can't believe that I was about to take a pass on this. I am having so much fun with this. Sure, I haven't filled my follow list with lots of people just yet, but I am still loving everything about this project.


Yeah, I know that it sounds so extra nerdy that I'm using Twitter in order to roleplay with other WoW gamers, but at this point, nerdy is kind of my middle name. So if you happen to be part of Moonguard (or Wyrmrest Accord) I would really recommend making a character account and joining in on the fun.

Fanfic, a waste of time?

I suppose it was the natural progression of things. I like writing. I like roleplaying. Then the worlds collided and I started writing stories about the characters that I was playing. Part of me feels very guilty when I sit down and craft out an entire story based on a roleplay character. Especially if that character is based in WoW. Every single time, I feel like I am wasting my time. I should be putting my energy into writing something "real". And by real, I probably just mean the story isn't based off of something that another person created. I'm not entirely sure why I feel like this. I mean, writing is writing and you can only get better at writing if you write, right? What does it matter if I am cutting my teeth on some fan fiction? Sure I can't land the latest bestseller with it, but does that really matter?

But no, there is this voice in the back of my head that keeps screaming that I am wasting time. That I should be working on things that could possibly be published and not mess around with things that really aren't going to matter in the long run. But writing for my rp characters is so much fun. I love fleshing them out and making them real. I love giving them side stories and backgrounds and adding dimensions to them. And what I love most of all is having other players see these stories and understanding my character a bit more.

So it is a constant fight. Write side stories for my rp characters or write stories that could possibly go into a book that will have my name on it. Right now, WoW fanfiction is winning.

Ugh. Spare me, please.

Looking at this, two meandering thoughts in one post. So the first part is going to be kind of ranty and the second part is going to be about WoW roleplay. Everyone all ready to go? Awesome.


First off, I can tell that I am starting to get that callous nature about me again. Where I want to just stare at some people and say "Who cares? Honestly, do you think that anyone gave a second thought at all?" I hate when I get like this. I feel like I should always be nice and be understanding. But in some situations, I just want to flash the stank eye and tell the person to sit down somewhere. Recently, more and more of these situations are falling in my lap and it just keeps getting harder and harder to grin and nod. I feel sorry of the person who comes across me and I'm all out of giving a damn. 


"No, no one cares! You aren't that special! Sit over there and be quiet! And I'm glad your feelings are hurt. Maybe next time you will think before you come parading in here like you are God's gift to rest of us and we are lucky to be graced with your presence. In fact, no. Don't sit over there. Get the fuck out!"


It's different when your presence actually matters. If things are different when you are there versus when you aren't. But if you are doing nothing but just adding to the decor of the room, why the hell would you think it mattered that you gone? That's like missing a rug when  you already have carpet. And why do you think it matters that you're back? It doesn't matter. No one cares. You can cancel the fucking parade.


And of course, I'm going to tagged for being mean for thinking this. But whatever. I'll take the cloak of the bad guy for this one, because I know that I'm not the only one thinking it.




Now onto WoW news. I think I have a story for my character and I'm loosely laying down the foundation in game and seeing where it takes me. I haven't figured out how to integrate other people in yet or not run over some game stuff that is already in the works, rpwise. So far I'm pretty happy with the story and I am going to see how the others react to it and gauge whether it is something I will pursue farther.


So that's it for this blog. Think I will go and call it an early night. Hooray for sleep!

The Bland Blues (WoW stuffs)

So now I'm a bit stuck when it comes to the roleplaying that I'm doing with my guild. Here is the tug of war that I am having right now. My character is quite simplistic and very much a blank slate. I made her that way in order for her to be able to fit into any story line. My guild mates on the other hand have quite the story going on. Drama, drama and more drama. I feel a bit left out, having a character that really has little to contribute to these epic story lines. So the obvious solution would be for me to create some type of drama for my character as well. Why not, right? House Silvacce is full of folks whose brains are only being held together by threads anyway. I would fit right in.


But here is my problem with that. I don't want to be that person who runs up and steals the spotlight just to be an attention whore. I want there to be a legitimate reason for all eyes to be on my character. Also I always fall into the pot hole of things being too over dramatic, like my character all of the sudden has become the star of her own crazy soap opera. And it will have nothing to do with anyone else, I just feel like it would be a great story in my own head. And anyone who has roleplayed in WoW and has had to sit through someone else's diatribe that you could not care less about knows exactly how painful that can be.  I have been in that situation more times than I care to remember, where you feel like a trapped animal who is contemplating chewing their leg off in order to escape. I never want to be the person who is the cause of that.


So I reign myself in and sit and listen to everyone else carry, secretly wishing that had something just as entertaining to spout off as well. But I want to be something that is different (well at least different from everyone else around my character so far). I am just not sure what that thing is, at all. I'm sure that if I had more time to devout to thinking about my character, I could come with something decent. But like I stated before, any time my academic side gets out of hand, my creative side suffers for it.


I am playing around with a few ideas, so I am hoping that something pans out in the near future and I can start building a story around it. An interesting one that my other guildmates can participate in (when we aren't being attacked by kraken and swindled by goblins. Khyrza, if you are reading this, I love you. But I hate your bore worms). Anyway, back to the study cave.

Gotta bring my A game

I have said it before and I will say it again, anyone who challenges me in the arena of writing and roleplay has my utmost respect. I'm not saying that in a "I am the best" tone. Rather I am saying it in a "I have found someone who inspires me to do better" tone. And no one is throwing down that gauntlet like House Silvacce. Yes, this is another WoW post. I should have warned you ahead of time. However the end of this post will be non-WoW, so just hang in there.


There have been a number of roleplayers who want to play the hardened, icy, cold female role. But it always comes down the same thing. The character turns into a bitch. No two ways about it. The character always becomes the squawky, condescending, everyone rolls their eyes at, bitch that you are supposed to be afraid of. And maybe sometimes you are, but more often than not, you just find them tiring. You can throw a stone in any direction and hit 7 bitches and that is in an empty building. But last night, I saw how an ice queen should be done. So cheers to House Silvacce for dazzling me...again.


This character didn't really have to say much of anything. It was the mannerisms and lack of words that scared the piss out of me. Out of -me-, not my character. I was literally sitting behind my computer screen thinking "Jesus, this is one scary lady". That is how I want to play an ice queen. Not some screeching harpy full of piss and vinegar with her finger in everyone's face. These guys are really making me take it back to the drawing board and thinking my character out all over again.


And it's the subtleties that get me. The refinement of the roleplay. Yes the lines are great, but there is something extra in the mannerisms and word choice that really sells what's happening. That is the level I want to be on. 


So the non-WoW part. The person who is going to be the one I chase from now until one of us dies (and probably in the after life as well) is Phil Roland. He writes better loaded than I do on my finest day. The way he expresses such mundane things blows my mind. And his imagery (though bleak, dreary, and down right depressing) is something that I want to emulate. I have no idea how he thinks things like that. Maybe it's the booze. But I read his blog (philroland.tumblr.com) and know that I have so much work to do when it comes to my writing.


So yes, headed back to the lab again, making my okay good and my good better.

Crazy nuts of House Silvacce (WoW stuffs)

So I got into the guild that I had applied to and that very next day they were running a guild rp event. I figured, what the heck. Might as well join in and show my face to my new guildies and see how things were done in this guild. Let's just say these guys blew my socks off and turned my world upside down.


Now this is not the first rp guild that I have been in and is certainly not the first roleplay event that I have attended. But these guys flipped the script on it's ear. Now, I know that I probably have a little bit of bias, but I am not going to tone down how I felt through out this entire thing.


First off, the event was run like a D&D game. Something happened and the entire group was clueless as to what was going on. We had to look and such and hunt for things. Whoever was in the right spot found the correct clue. When danger struck, you had to roll to see how bad you got it. And there were times when high numbers were great and low numbers were bad. Other times, it was just the opposite. 


And the story is being told in parts. Right now, a good part of House Silvacce has been locked up in an underground dungeon for a week waiting for death or someone to rescue them. So a time is picked where everyone can play out the story and during the week, people can get together and do non-story progressing rp. So far it has been really fun. I think the story is going to wrap up this weekend.


So what type of character am I playing? Not sure yet. She will probably be young, inexperienced, and pretty wet behind the ears. But as far as personality, goals for her life, likes and dislikes, I have not the foggiest idea yet. I figure that it will come together the more I play her. At least I hope it will.

Looking for Guild?

So after playing around on my hunter and getting a feel of my new server, I decided it was time to scope out the roleplaying scene and see how it was. Right off the bat, I could see a difference from my old server in the fact that player coalesce in the city. There are definite hubs were more players are than others, but still, it is not odd to run into pockets of roleplayers through out the city, any time of night. (Don't know about days, because I am not on)

And it seems like everyone has the MyRolePlay addon, which is neat, because most rpers on my old server didn't. Even though I have been rping on WoW for a while now, I still get nervous when I make new contacts. I'm not sure what to say. I am not sure how to strike up a conversation that is not boring, but at the same time is not overly dramatic. And I don't want people thinking that I'm a noob just because my toon is at a low level. So, I haven't really been doing much rping, so much as running around rpers and eavesdropping on conversations.

Well, I found a guild struck me as very interesting. I did some research on them and decided if I was ever going to join a guild, this would be the one that I wanted to be a part of. So I talked to an officer and then submitted an application (which is new for me, since most just add you on the spot). Now, I sit and wait. Part of me is super nervous that they will tell me no, since I don't have my character's story solidly hammered out. Or that my character is not a good fit for their guild. Or they will think I'm a noob. I haven't been contacted yet. I am thinking about whispering an officer when I get on the game again.

I actually rped with someone last night. It was a random occurrence. I was questing, some mage ran past me with an elite on his tail. I decided to shoot some arrows at it in order for it to go down after. Once the elite died, the guy bowed to me, I bowed back and then the exchange started. I had a lot of fun with him and decided to put him on my friends list. (Yay, first friend!) It seemed like he enjoyed himself as well.

I do have a person that I know from my old server on this server (one of the reasons I choose it), but I don't want to use him as my crutch. I want to make my own rp circle on my own first. I was able to make a name for myself before when I played my priest. I want to be able to do that again. What I would love more than anything is to become on of those legendary people that folks talk about on the forums. *sigh* A girl can dream, right?