Well, I finally went and did it. I am finally DMing my own game. It's awesome and terrifying. Now, I'm not just telling a story. I'm building a world and asking people to play in it. Play in it, play and hope they enjoy it. I have been wanting to DM my own campaign for quite some time. I had run storylines on roleplay forums before. But something about being a DM in a live game is different.
I started roleplaying back in college. I had a number of DMs who displayed a number of different playing styles. And after a while, I knew that I wanted to run my own game. However, I was too scared. Too self conscious. I didn't know the rules well enough to be comfortable running a game with my friends, who had more experience than me. I wasn't as familiar with fantasy or fantasy settings as the rest of my friends were. I always believed there had to be a perfect streamlined story which everyone was to follow and I did not believe that I could come up with something that anyone would enjoy. So I never opted to run a game. Just sat and wished; until finally one day I decided to just do it, fear and all.
Firstly, being a DM is way more time consuming that I had believed it was going to be when I decided that I was going to do this. Partially because of my perfectionist disposition and partially because I wasn't entirely in the know about what a DM had to do in order to run a campaign. But mostly because I took it upon myself to design the entire world from nothing. Because why make it easy on myself, right? The writer in me wanted to create and world build. This is where I have the most fun as a DM. Designing people, places, structures and ruling powers. Making an intricately complex, living, breathing landscape. I could get lost in it for hours. But this takes a lot of time. And I have to make decisions on what parts in this world are more important, meaning they will be completed first. I won't lie, I was very overwhelmed when I started out. I mean, how do you create an entire world from a blank sheet of paper? But I found out that you don't. Not at first. First, you start off small. You make a village, then a town, then a small city and continue from there as the group explores. Once I learned that, world building for the game became much easier to manage.
The terrifying part of running a game for me is the uncertainty that comes with preparing for the unpredictable. I was completely under the impression that DMs knew exactly what would happen at all times and had a plan for everything that would happen during the session. I quickly came to understand that was an illusion. I don't know what the players are going to do from one moment to the next. I don't know if they will take the plot hook. I don't know how they are going to interact with the NPCs. Or if they will even head in the direction that I have set up. For all I know, they could end up on some uncharted path that I had not given any thought to in the least. But it is this uncertainty that makes the game exciting for me as DM. The players don't know what the plan is. So they could be surprised at any moment. I don't know how my players are going to react to what I have planned. So I too could be surprised at any moment. So, instead of being anxious about it, I try to stay open and as flexible as possible.
My thinking like a DM has been slowly evolving as well. As a writer, I have complete control of the entire story. A story that centers on a cast of characters that I have constructed to fit seamlessly into my narrative. But now, I am more focused on the players and trying to figure out what would be awesome for their characters. Trying to make a narrative that everyone can participate in and feel a vested interest. I never had a "cool" character when I roleplayed. I was always outshined by someone else in the group. Someone was always faster, louder, more charasmatic, or better at minmaxing the dice. And I never played campaigns long enough for my character to have goals or something to obtain or aspire to. My character was simply just another body in the group. I don't want that feeling for any of my players. I want each person to feel like they have their moments in the spotlight. To feel like their characters matter in the story they are playing through.
I am not sure how long this campaign will last or how often we will play. But I am very glad that I got over my self consciousness and I did this. It is a different feel, writing something for others to mess around with. Being flexible and thinking on my feet for several hours at a time. And to watch others interact with what you have put together. I am going to have as much fun as I possibly can and hopefully those who are coming along with me on this journey will have just as much fun as I am.
(There are some minor spoilers in this review.)
Van Helsing. Where to even begin with this show. Let's start with the basics. Van Helsing is a show on SyFy that centers around a woman named Vanessa. As the first episode starts, you see an unconscious Vanessa lying on a metal table in a nondescript medical room of some sort. She suddenly wakes up to find the world she once knew decimated, the human race enslaved by vampires and her daughter is missing. It does not take long for the viewer to understand that, though her last name is not Van Helsing, Vanessa is going to be the vampire slayer in this series. It is made quite clear that she is a reluctant savior of mankind and we are to follow her story to ascension. That is if I last that long.
As this series starts, you are introduced to a bleak world and a soldier named Axel who is hold up in a now defunct hospital building that he has made his fortress since the Uprising started. He takes in a group of people running from vampires. And this is when everything takes a free falling nose dive and I am ready to check out. Every new group introduced on this show seems to feel as if they own whatever save haven they have been invited into and suddenly begins making all the rules. I instantly became irritated with the entire lot and simply wished for them to be thrown back outside. Well not all. Mohammed and Sam could stay. But I'll get back to that later.
It becomes very apparent that Axel is the leader that no one wants to listen to. But no one has a choice but to listen, because he is the only one with any common sense. In the mean time, Vanessa does not seem to care that world is full of monsters, she can heal almost instantaneously or that she woke up with ninja-like fighting abilities. She simply wants to scour the streets of Seattle to find her daughter. No map, no plan, no clues where to start. She is just going to look around and hope for the best. Never mind she has been unconscious for 3 years and everything she knew about the world is obsolete. So Axel is doing everything in his power to keep this motley crew together and alive. And the group is seems to be doing anything it can to make that task as difficult as possible.
Let's talk about the antagonists, the vampires. There is a main ruling power, a brother sister duo whom all vampires bow the knee, Dimitri and Rebecca. But whenever there is someone with great power, there will always be those who are trying to take it. So that does give some underlying intrigue mixed in with the main plot that is human enslavement. From the vampire's point of view, the viewers first hear about the human rebellion and how Vanessa's existence is a problem that needs to be dealt with. It becomes apparent that it is race to see who can get to Vanessa first; the vampires or the humans. By this point, I am rooting for the vampires, because the humans are driving me insane.
My shining light in this mess was Mohammed and Sam. They looked out for each other. And unlike the rest, understood the situation they were in. Stronger together and all of that. Mohammed was the resourceful young one and Sam was the gentle giant. The relationship between these two characters was very heart warming and endearing. And I wanted nothing more than for these two to persevere to the end. Notice how I said was? Yep. Thanks Van Helsing for dousing that flickering candle with a bucket of ice water, you beasts. I can hear you.
When protagonists started dying, because let's face it, that was pretty much inevitable, I was happy instead of grieved. One less idiot to be squawking about what they want, who they don't trust and a whole laundry list of grievances which they should have been kicked in the teeth for having in the first place. But, even in dying, these characters still manage to be incredibly stupid. And yes, I'm talking about that door scene with Doc and Axel. What the holy fish sticks was that? Again, I'm rooting for the vampires. My only qualm with them is that I wish they would wipe their mouths every once in a while.
I don't know what is going on in this show. There is a reluctant hero who has no interest in saving anyone. The group that surrounds her only survives because a Marine is brute forcing them into survival and even that proves to not be enough in the end. There is mystery and intrigue that surrounds Vanessa and who she is, but honestly, I just can't make myself care. The show feels like it is throwing everything it can at the wall and seeing what sticks. Who knows, maybe the vampires will get a spin off show. I'd give that a chance.
The countdown has ended. The ball has dropped. All streamers and confetti have been flung. The new year has arrived. I feel like I was just sitting down and writing out my goals for 2016 not but a few weeks ago. The past year feels like a blur. So, I had to sit down and remember all of the things that I experienced over a span of 365 days.
It started with me having a job that completely terrified me. And I found out that I was very good at it. Within a few months, I even received a promotion. It started with me talking to someone who was a total stranger. And now I count them as one of my closest friends. It started with me discovering new things and implementing them in my day to day life. And I have learned and grown.
However, this year also had the pain of loss and having to say goodbye. But even there, I did not made the same mistakes I had made in the past. I said everything I wanted to say to them. Did everything I could think to do for them. And when I got the news that they had passed away, I had no feeling of regret nagging at me, reminding me of all the missed opportunities not taken. Though I am sad that my friend is gone, I am happy that I did not make the same mistake of leaving things undone between the two of us. All of my memories are happy ones.
The sun has set on the old and rises on the new. So what does that mean for me as 2017 begins.
Goal Setting
I make large goals for myself, but I think it is very important that I have some small goals to celebrate in between. At the end of every month, I want to make small goals for myself to boost my motivation to move towards the larger ones.
Reading
I was quite the avid book worm growing up. Always a novel of some kind on my person at all times. But as my life got busier and course work intensified, I walked away from that hobby. Now I want to go back to it. Even if it just a few pages before bed, it is much better than reading nothing at all.
Remove Restraints
There are a number of things I don't do because I tell myself I can't. I make up all these reasons and rationalizations for why I can't do something, but for the most part they are excuses. And I make them up because I'm scared. Scared of something new, scared of being judged, scared that I will fail, scared that others won't like it. But I can't live like that, always in fear that if I do something it won't work. So, it is time to remove restraints.
Learning a Foreign Language
I went though so many years of Spanish and right now I could not hold a conversation beyond telling you my name, my country of origin, directions to the bathroom, and ordering steak, potatoes and a salad. So, I told myself that I was going to get back to being serious about being a fluent Spanish speaker. So why not start right now.
Being Financially Savvy
Something that very few people know about me, I used to be pretty involved in the stock market a while back. However, like most of my hobbies, it was crowded out when I felt like I had no time for anything outside of studying. But now I'm ready to get back in the game. And not just stocks, learning anything and everything I can about being a good steward over my money. Making my money work for me instead of the other way around. And finding ways to spend smart and save well.
Keep Creating/ Stay Centered
These are the same goals as last year. They are simply good to keep around. Because they are something I need to remember and do always.
Some will say this past year was tragic and will remember all the bad things that happened. But, I won't be one of those people. I spent holidays with my family, went to conventions with my friends, wrote a novel, watched as long awaited dreams came true for people who truly deserved them, celebrated the 20th anniversary of a program that changed my life in ways that no one could possibly understand. No, I will not be one of those people. And I hope that if you search deep enough, you will see that you aren't one of them either.
So here's to 2017. May we all do bigger and better things over the next 365 days.
