Follow Me

I want you to fall into darkness
Follow me into light
Feel your heart swell
Be crushed under the weight of fear

Follow me
Follow me until you can barely breathe
Until you can't handle any more

I want you to feel the expanse stretch before you
Have cold fingers run down the length of your spine
Feel it winding its way through you
Becoming a part of you

Follow me
Follow me until the very bitter end
Until the sun rises and then sets again

I won't release you
For as long as this lasts, I need you
Need you to belong to me
Belong to this

Follow me
Follow me until you think you will break
Belong to me
Belong to this

Not really

It doesn't matter how many words I put on this page.
I can never rid myself of it all.
Not really.

You are still in there.
Somehow.
Like an addiction I don't want to get away from.
Not really.

Embracing Fire

I wanted to become cold. Become ice
Walk away. Shut everything out.
I didn't want to feel any more. Feel this any more.
Just wanted the ever present numbness 
As I pushed away the world.

But that feeling never came.
The cold never embraced me 
And I never embraced it.
Instead, the exact opposite

All eyes on me as the heat rise
Refusing to fade, refusing to crawl into darkness
Blinding, fearsome flames 
I can do nothing but burn
And everyone must pay attention

Those who walked away
Those who forgot
Those who ignored
Those who took for granted

I cannot become cold
I cannot retreat
I cannot hide
For you, I will embrace the fire.
Watch me burn. Burn it all down.

What You Know

I hate how well you know me.
How you can hear the words I don't say.
Understand the emotions I don't show

I hate that I can't lie to you
Because you already see the truth
And you simply wait for me to say it

I hate that you have seen my weakness
Seen my vulnerability
Been on my side of the curtain, seeing what a mess it is
What a mess I actually am

I hate that you can hear my silence
See through me
Through the facade I show the world

I wanted to be perfected. Especially for you.

All I Have

I don't have any answers
Though you have never asked me any questions

I don't know how to fix your problems
Though you have never asked me for any solutions

I don't have enough to give
Though you have never asked me for anything

So, I will simply stand here, next to you, through it all
Though I know you would never ask me to

Collection of "Gifts"

Come, let me show my collection, my “gifts” that have been given to me over the years. Their sharpened edges, decorative hilts, all shapes and sizes. I keep them here on display, so that I will always remember.

This one is my oldest. It’s crude, and not very refined. It was hurriedly crafted and brutishly swung, but definitely accomplished what it was created to do. I was quite surprised when I received it. Even more surprised when I saw who it was from. There is really nothing like feeling that first blade, your first real blade. It is an emotion that stays with you.

Over the years, the blades improved. The handywork, craftsmanship, the complete design only becomes more and more intricate. It is enough to astound and awe. Look at some of these. They are almost intoxicating, aren’t they? Works of art. Some sharpened so fine it could split a hair. They deal a wound so fine that I only felt the searing sting long after I cut by them.

The masterpieces are the ones that bring the most surprise. Because they were created based on myself as the blueprint. A small piece of me that I believed to be inconsequential. But, I have now learned that nothing is inconsequential when crafting a weapon planned for a specific person. Absolutely everything is fair game. I had no idea how close others were watching. Those small flourishes, such attention to detail. A piece of me turned into beautiful destruction.

But yours, yours I can readily say was the most efficient. It was the one that expected the least. Even less than the first blade I ever received. I was completely unprepared for it and for you. Perfection, I must say. It has been the only knife that I have had to pull out of my heart.