I can feel change happening, sometimes. It’s unnoticeable at first. But, that is how change always starts, isn’t it? It begins with a small speck. Something trivial, something overlooked. A word, perhaps. A sentence, a feeling. Whatever it is, it does not leave. Instead, it latches onto a corner of my mind. I try to ignore it, but I know it’s there. Sitting, spreading, poking holes in the grey veiled dullness. The grey that I slowly notice is covering everything comfortable and familiar. A dullness that now surrounds everything I see. And now, I can’t unsee it. I can’t not notice it. This is how it begins.
I start to feel it when I’m awake. I feel it in my dreams. It’s a breeze, changing course, wafting beneath the surface, replacing me piece by little piece. And now I have this constant knowing of what’s happening. That I am changing. That I must change, because this grey veil of sameness blanketing the familiar will do nothing but drive me insane.
This familiar comfortableness I have made myself content with, I realize this is not my end point. This place is simply a point on a line stretching in front of me. This is not my goal, but simply an accomplishment on the way to an end that I dream about, but do not dare speak. And now, I feel that revelation, breathing under my skin, inside my bones, behind my eyes, piece by piece. I cannot stay. Not here. Not at this point.
I am changing. What is happening to me will not stop. Piece by piece, the process continues. Everything old feels wrong. Nothing fits. Not anymore. It will all slip into the grey dullness soon enough. Into familiar sameness that no longer lives. It is simply marking time. There is nothing left I can do. Nothing but change. And see where change takes me.