It is amazing sometimes how one thing, one thought, one sentence can dictate how the rest of you day and/or week is going to be. And that one small thing can spread from one person to the next. And the next thing you know, the room just reeks of it.
So, my STEP 1 date is looming ever closer and someone breathed the word "fail" in my ear. For a moment too long, I latched onto that thought and all the confidence I had built up over the past few months came down like a house of cards. All that time and effort, crushed by one fear, one doubt. Those along with me had the same doubt and for whatever reason and we were all giving into it. One by one, we were all coming down.
I went to run some errands late Friday afternoon and decided that no, I wasn't going to give into this. I wasn't going to have all my hard work be eaten up by anxiety. I wasn't going to stand in faith this long and then give up right at the end. No, I was going to see this all the way through to the end. I was going to continue to work, believe and pray and put away this worrying about what could happen. After I had made that decision, I felt better.
Now with my dark cloud gone and the smile back on my face, I headed back to the study cave. The moment I opened the door, I could feel it. That nervous, panicked, weighted energy that seemed to drag your very spirit down to the floor. The entire place was permeated with it. I didn't even want to walk in. It felt so dreary and hopeless in there. You could just see it on everyone's face. People feeling defeated and ready to throw in the towel. I hoping that over the weekend, those guys get themselves together and this week will be a new week. We can't afford to give into fear at this point. Way too much to lose.
Plus, I am going to buy a plant for the study cave. Those long faces are killing me.
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