An Alter Ego

Today I watched Penny Arcade: The Series and it was the episode about alter egos. I found the comments on having alter egos to be pretty interesting. I'll put the link below so you can go and watch the episode I am referring to. (And then watch all the rest afterward)


http://www.penny-arcade.com/patv/pa-the-series/209/


I kind of like having an alter ego for a few reasons. Most of the time when I am writing, I want to separate myself from all of the outside "noise". Just life in general. I don't want to think about anything that is happening around me. I just want to focus on the world that my characters are living in. And I feel like the separation is more complete when I take on an alter ego. Someone who is different from my actual self. Who isn't bogged down with all the stresses of my every day existence. They only exist for this. For this writing I am doing at the moment. And then once I am finished, it is back to being my normal self again.


I suppose I view my alter ego as a type of escapism. As a way out of the world that I have to live in every day and into a world of my own creation, whether that be through writing or being part of internet forums or what have you. I like having a way to a draw a line that lets you pause reality, just for a short while, and go be part of something else.


And ever since I learned that Mark Twain's real name was Samuel Clemens, I always loved the idea of writing under a pseudonym. Not quite sure what intrigues about it. But I remember trying to pick something out in high school. I still might write under it, I am not entirely sure. I guess it all depends on what I decide to write.

Surprise, Surprise

So I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised today by something that came out of the blue. And I suppose that very simple surprise meant a great deal because for a while my life has been shit.


Not that monumental shit where you have no idea how you are going to get on the other side. It is that little nagging in the back of your head shit that makes you question everything about the day. What is the reason for waking up? What is the reason for getting dressed? What is the reason for making an effort any more? So I have basically been battling that off and on for almost two months and it doesn't help me as I stare at the heap loads of studying that have to get done on a daily basis.


So dragging through my monotonous days, there really isn't much that sparks any type of emotion in me. It is just one bland day after the next. Then enter in someone who does one of the most unexpected things. Let me set the scene in order to make this story take even longer.


The easiest way to catch my eye is to write something and something good. And of course good is totally subjective (which I know is very unfair) but that is beside the point I am trying to make. I started a writing venture with a friend just as something to pass the time. Nothing too serious, just a way to flex my creativity and dabble around with some ideas I had floating in my head. His writing caught my attention and I really wasn't expecting it to. I was expecting to have to spell things out and spoon feed him what I wanted to happen in certain scenes, but out of the gate, this guy gave me everything I wanted and some more.


He had an eye for detail and he thought two steps ahead. And he wrote something that I was shocked to see and it takes a bit for me not to see something coming a mile away. I think he is going to make me step up my writing game and nothing excites me more than someone who brings me a challenge. And what thrilled me even more, is that he is thinking of where the story is going to lead farther down the road. I was shocked. Story progression? He is thinking about story progression?! Diamond in the rough! I can barely find someone who can think 2 pages ahead in the story and he is talking about chapters down the road. And -he- is thinking of them. Not me. It was a great feeling. One I haven't had since the days of the QFGC. I hope that this momentum stays forever, but in case it doesn't, I'm milking it for all it is worth.


So yeah, I still have shit to do while I would much rather stay in bed. But today, I woke up and had this one thing I looked forward to and it was quite the surprise.

Photoshop and a Wacom Tablet

Yeah, two things that I got over the holiday was a copy of Adobe Photoshop CS5 and a Wacom Bamboo Pen tablet. While I was really excited about having these things, it also incites a bit of anxiety. This was quite a bit of money spent and now I have to use this stuff so it won't seem like I am wasting it. But the inspiration to doodle digitally is just as low as the inspiration to doodle in my sketch book. It just feels like I lack direction. Not sure what to draw or why draw it.


But last night, I decided to fire up CS5 and see what I could do with it. Not much for the first time around, but it was very interesting. Drawing on a tablet is very different from paper, but I knew that going into it. I was getting better at controlling the pen and one of the shocks was that it didn't really take me long to get used to looking at the screen instead of my heads. I will admit that I did glance down at my hands a few times, but not as much as I thought I was going to.


There are a lot of CS5 features that I have no idea about and it will take me a bit before I can start really using the thing to its full potential, but I will get there eventually. I am still going to continue working in my sketchbook, just because it is a good place to keep my ideas in, even if they are drawn badly.


My sister applauds me for drawing in CS5, because she does her drawing in Illustrator and then takes it over to CS5. Something about vectors and all that. I gratefully took her accolades, but the reason I don't use Illustrator is because I don't have it. I made the jump from Paint to CS5 and just started messing around. I sent her my first attempt. She was nice about it.


So yeah, I think I will try and draw more often now, so I can get as much use out of my new toys as possible.

This was supposed to be easy

So late summer, I thought I had come up with a pretty easy yet really awesome idea. I was going to do a podcast of my own. I didn't think it was going to be that hard. Plus, my co-host was going to be my sister. I mean, we have crazy chemistry just naturally. What could possibly be difficult about it. And it was going to be on a topic that we discussed all the time anyway. I thought that it was going to be just like recording our telephone conversations and let the rest of the world listen in. Nope, couldn't have been any more wrong.


The actual tech part and the editing was what I thought was going to be the most time consuming. I was very wrong. The most time consuming is actually get set up for the recording. I have no idea why I thought my sister and I could just hit record and we would just wing it. That recording was fail before it got good and started. 


So a project that I thought was going to be a very uncomplicated part of my life, turned into being just the opposite. I have to do research, make an outline for the show, plan things that fit into mine and my sister's schedule...and the list goes on. No one told me all this had to happen before I started doing this.


However, despite all of that, I still want to continue doing it. Now that my eyes have been opened a bit and see all the work that goes into making a podcast halfway decent, I have decided to bite the bullet and just go with it. How long can I keep this up and running? Not entirely sure. I might have to expand the topics my sister and I talk about sooner or later. But I will cross that bridge when I get there.


For those interested, our first podcast can be heard here: http://www.the-ush.com/index.php/topic,2137.msg60067.html#msg60067

The things I find on YouTube

So I have no idea how long my head was in the sand on this topic, but I have recently (as in within the past year) been introduced to the concept of being a YouTuber or vlogger, whichever term floats your boat. Now I wasn't too interested in seeking out any vloggers until I was introduced to Charlieissocoollike (Charlie McDonnell) over on YouTube. I found him to be very interesting and entertaining.


(Here is a link in case you wanted to go and check him out. www.youtube.com/charlie)


Well seeing him opened the door to this vlogging world that I had no idea existed. And just recently there has been one person that has jumped up to the top of my list and have left the others in the dust. (Sorry Charlie) That is Adande "Swoozie" Thorne. I think this guy could read the phone book and make it interesting. He just has a way of telling a story that makes you want to hear the whole thing. Plus his stories are so surreal, you think that there has to be some type of embellishment going on. 


"Really, Swoozie? Speeding around in your dad's car wearing nothing but Spongebob boxers?"


(A link if you want to check him out, which you really should. www.youtube.com/swoozie06 and www.youtube.com/pressstart)


So I had heard the term "pro gamer" before, but I didn't quite understand what it meant. I still kind of don't. But watching Swoozie's vlogs, I find the world of pro gaming kind of interesting. And I was introduced to the WCG Ultimate Gamer reality show. (I'm a reality show junkie) I couldn't even begin to think how a person decides that they want to play video games professionally and then actually pursue that goal. Also, Swoozie as a person is quite a guy. I honestly didn't believe they made 'em like him any more.


And for those who are out there wanting a good laugh, I highly recommend Ray William Johnson on Equals Three (www.youtube.com/raywilliamjohnson) I can't put into words what this channel is like. So just click the link and get ready to laugh.


So now you know how I spend my spare time =P

The New Year is here!

So out with 2010 and in with 2011. I suppose this is the blog where I am supposed to reminisce on what happened during the past year and weed out what I learned. But I really don't think that is what I am going to do. To me it would feel false to write something like that, posing as some time of wise woman on her hilltop handing down sage council from the numerous experiences life has handed down to me.


Time passes, things happen, people learn from them and continue with life. It is that simple. Nothing magical, nothing mysterious, nothing special. Just an occurrence that happens to all of us, every day of our lives. So this year, I will dispense with the self reflection in lieu of something else.


Though just as cheaply thin and nonsensical as reflecting on a year past, I have decided to talk about what I plan for this up and coming year. I plan to be completely and wantonly selfish this year. I have watched as colleagues of mine have their lives unfold before them while it feels I am still in a holding pattern. Well I am done with that.


I am done walking down the path that leads to nothing, nothing and more nothing, being promised that somewhere at the end will be the rewards for the all the blood, sweat and tears that I continue to spill on a consistent basis. No, I fully intend to take a detour. For once let myself be distracted by things I have wanted to accomplish and have always told myself "I will do that later". Well later is now.


That is my goal. To do the things that I have put on hold, waiting for some undefined moment when my life would allow me to do them. And fuck everything else that decides it wants to get in my way.


Happy New Year.

New writing project

Yeah, at it again. Always something else that I slate for myself, even though so many other projects lay unfinished. I always tell myself that I will get around to them some time. Probably should be a bit more disciplined about that. Anyway...

I had an idea pop into my head right before NaNoWriMo and shelved it for December. I have been working on bits and pieces and already I have hit part of a snag. It is crazy long. And when I mean crazy long, we are looking at book series. Or one of those huge, could kill a small dog, J.K. Rowling tomes.

I always seem to be that I make a story so much longer than what it has to be. The story could be about some man who is striving to be great, but for some reason I decide to start the story when he is 8 years old. Why do I feel the need to lay down so much ground work for a character? I mean it really isn't all that necessary. In fact, parts like that can be kind of boring. It reminds me of the days when I read books that you had to trudge though the first couple of chapters before the story got good. I am not really interested in doing something like that. At least not on purpose.

And coming up with names for the characters in this new story is quite brutal. I used to have a program called TableSmith on my laptop. But I dropped it and there went that. I might have it on the backup that IT made for me. I haven't checked. I am not sure why names are difficult this time around. I guess it is because I am looking for a certain sound or a certain feel to a name. A lot of times I believe that I am just thinking too hard. And that small amount of the time, I just let myself give into it.

I keep telling myself that I should write out everything I want to and then throw out all the bad stuff later. But for now, just let myself enjoy everything I want to do. Enjoy writing about mundane and monotonous tasks, even if I know that all of it is going to be scrapped. Write badly and hopefully a seed of something good will salvaged from amidst all the atrocity.

I have hit a point in my life where I wish I had several months were I did not need to do anything. I wish I could pack my things and live in some lakeside cabin (this is beginning to sound a bit like Secret Window) and just do nothing but write. No distractions, just me, some writing aids, and my imagination. But I am getting off topic and starting to ramble.

So yes, new writing project. I have done a small bit of writing on it. I feel like I am only scratching the surface of things in the story and there is going to so much to tell. And already I am starting to get lost in it. But it is the good typed of lost. It is the parts of the story that you have muddle through in order to make the jump from scene A to scene B.