One Me, Two sides

I have always been fascinated by those how have hewed themselves out a spot on the internet. People who blog and vlog and now have an audience just for the sole reason they have found something that speaks to others. And with the amount and abilities of social networking on the rise, it is so much easier now to find these people who have decided "I have something to say. And let who ever will listen come and listen".

Part of me wonders just how far I could take that. Sure, I think it would be exciting to be an internet persona of sorts. But, I worry about if that would affect my real life aspirations. It is now starting to become common place for interviewers for residencies to Google your name and see what they can find. They are trawling Facebook, seeing what pictures of you can be pulled up and getting glimpses into your life before you can even step through the door.

I always feel like I am straddling the line between the person that I actually am and the person that I have created on the Internet. They are nothing more than different sides of the same coin, but I feel that I can only show one side to those who see me face to face every day. Total honesty about my hobbies in the world of medicine only gets me weird looks and raised eyebrows. So instead, I keep my mouth shut and talk about my passions in life via the land of the 'Net. Knowing this, I can't imagine what would happen if I had to interview with someone who had seen some vlog I had put together with me wearing a blue wig. (Not that there is one. I'm just saying.)

It feels like I live in a world that is surrounded by the old guard. For the sake of professionalism, certain things are sacrificed. Certain actions are prohibited. I am expected to fall in line and behave in a manner that is representative of the post that I have chosen to stand at at this point in my life. And part of me resents that. Part of me resents that I have gotten this far and there is still this high school-like mentality of who fits in and who doesn't. But, the rest of me simply gives up and walks away.

Don't get me wrong, I would not change what I am doing with my life. It is what I want. It is my dream that I have had for years. I just wish that other things I want to try weren't walled off to me. However, I might be being very over dramatic about this whole thing. Perhaps there is no restrictions whatsoever. Maybe they are only false beliefs about something that isn't there. It is very possible that I could be entirely wrong and there is nothing stopping me, nothing at all. Maybe it is my own uncertainty that is standing in the way.