Rambling about poems

I really should have a point to a blog before I write it, however I don't this time. So I am hoping to ramble myself to point before this is over with.


I have never been much of a poet honestly. I tried my hand at it when I was younger. In the beginning, it was mostly just angsty teen dribble trying it's best to be deep and soul searching. Then I just used it as an outlet to get out everything inside of me that I just couldn't seem to say to anyone else. Now I want it to be more. I want the words to be stirring and poignant and not just something that I scribbled down in a moment's time. 


I am not looking for anything deep and mind bending. But I want to write something that leaves a mark after a person is done reading it. Even if it is only a grain of emotion that was brought out, that would make me happy. Honestly, I am kind of tired of reading poetry that feels like it fits inside of Hallmark cards or are several feel good bumper stickers that are plastered together make a few stanzas. I want something more.


I want it to tell me a story, to take me on a journey, to lead me to place that I have never been before. I don't want to hear about puppy love or how it is going to be okay in the end or how pretty the park was today. I want to be taken somewhere else. Somewhere that has been thought about. A place that has been well constructed with words that were picked for a purpose. I am looking for something that goes beyond the sugary sweet surface of what poetry seems to mean to most and gets to the meat where real poetry; and the poets who write it; resides.


But like it always seems to be, I make up the minority. No one wants to take this trip with me. They are happy with just the fringes and beginnings of what poetry could be, patting themselves on the back for crafting their holiday card work. But I can't be happy with this. There is more, there is better, and as long as I know that I can't be satisfied.


I'm not looking for anything overworked and cluttered with florid language and words that no one can pronounce. But what I am looking for is a different view. A way to write something that gives an impression, a strong one, that resonates with the person who reads it. Perhaps I am reaching too far, but I have never been one to keep it simple. I can only hope that one day I can look at poem I have written and realize that I have finally gotten what I wanted.

A Night of Hope

I can't tell you how I found out about Joel Osteen. One day I didn't know he existed and the next day I did. He was different. A very quiet personality, a big smile on his face all the time. He just seemed to be a very mild mannered person. I liked him. As the years past and I watched more of his sermons on television and I listened to them on internet, the more I wanted to actually see him in person. And last night, I was able to do that.


I do not think it is possible to put last night into words, but I am going to give it my best shot. It was exactly what they said it would be: a night of hope. Many times, people (myself included) go through things that make us want to give up on our aspirations and goals. We tell ourselves that it was a pipe dream anyway. Or we simply settle for less because for one reason or another, we have talked ourselves into believing that is all we can attain. But last night, it was just the opposite. The theme became we shouldn't give up, we shouldn't settle for less, it's not over. 


It was basically a night of restoring hope and faith in whatever it was that we had lost hope and faith in. And letting go of whatever negative thoughts and feelings we had concerning our situation. I know, it is a rather simplistic synopsis of how 3 hours were spent, but sometimes it is the simple things that cause the greatest change. I left feeling inspired and recharged. In spite of anything that may have happened to me in the past, I will be fine. My life, my dreams, my aspirations are still intact. And I can be happy.

Gotta bring my A game

I have said it before and I will say it again, anyone who challenges me in the arena of writing and roleplay has my utmost respect. I'm not saying that in a "I am the best" tone. Rather I am saying it in a "I have found someone who inspires me to do better" tone. And no one is throwing down that gauntlet like House Silvacce. Yes, this is another WoW post. I should have warned you ahead of time. However the end of this post will be non-WoW, so just hang in there.


There have been a number of roleplayers who want to play the hardened, icy, cold female role. But it always comes down the same thing. The character turns into a bitch. No two ways about it. The character always becomes the squawky, condescending, everyone rolls their eyes at, bitch that you are supposed to be afraid of. And maybe sometimes you are, but more often than not, you just find them tiring. You can throw a stone in any direction and hit 7 bitches and that is in an empty building. But last night, I saw how an ice queen should be done. So cheers to House Silvacce for dazzling me...again.


This character didn't really have to say much of anything. It was the mannerisms and lack of words that scared the piss out of me. Out of -me-, not my character. I was literally sitting behind my computer screen thinking "Jesus, this is one scary lady". That is how I want to play an ice queen. Not some screeching harpy full of piss and vinegar with her finger in everyone's face. These guys are really making me take it back to the drawing board and thinking my character out all over again.


And it's the subtleties that get me. The refinement of the roleplay. Yes the lines are great, but there is something extra in the mannerisms and word choice that really sells what's happening. That is the level I want to be on. 


So the non-WoW part. The person who is going to be the one I chase from now until one of us dies (and probably in the after life as well) is Phil Roland. He writes better loaded than I do on my finest day. The way he expresses such mundane things blows my mind. And his imagery (though bleak, dreary, and down right depressing) is something that I want to emulate. I have no idea how he thinks things like that. Maybe it's the booze. But I read his blog (philroland.tumblr.com) and know that I have so much work to do when it comes to my writing.


So yes, headed back to the lab again, making my okay good and my good better.

What I do online

So it dawned on me that perhaps people who are looking at my blog, do not know about the other things that I do via the interwebs. I am going to use this blog post to shamelessly plug my other online projects that are out there in obscurity.

Almost a year ago (it will actually be a full year next month...wow, time flies) I was allowed on the writing staff of a website called UnSung Heroes. (www.the-ush.com) I have no idea why they let me join there staff. But I'm there now and there is no getting rid of me. There, I write a monthly article reviewing webcomics. This was something that I wanted to do for a long time, I just didn't have the platform for it. Enter in the USH and I was given one. I really like sharing something I have an interest in with others. And it makes me really happy when I get the occasional comment of "I'm going to go and read this now. This comic looks awesome!"

So if you guys want to read my articles (and the others not written by me, of course), you can do several things. You can click the link above and look for the Click Here for Comics articles (Comic review section). You click this link for my latest review of FreakAngels or you can follow Unsung Heroes on Twitter (www.twitter.com/the_ush) for article updates. My articles come out every 2nd Tuesday of the month.

On top of that, I do an anime podcast. (Oh yes, the dork is definitely coming out now.) This is also posted on UnSung Heroes. I got the idea to do this because I'm always talking about anime with my sister (who is the co-host) anyway. So we might as well record ourselves talking. I found us to be entertaining, so we gave podcasting a shot. This is a newer venture, so there aren't as many podcasts as review articles. But you can listen to our thoughts on Black Cat by clicking on the link. The podcasts are going to be up on the last week of every month. I haven't hammered down a specific day yet. And again, you can watch the USH Twitter for updates.

So those are the only things that I do on the internet with any seriousness. Everything else is just spamming forums with my random thoughts on random topics and writing. Nothing anyone wants to see. So there you go blog lookers. More of me if you want it :D

My lament over having no television.

This whole no television thing sucks monkey balls. However, I know that it is probably the best thing for me at this point in my life. (Sucks being so adult). Back in February, my cable modem/box deaie just decided it didn't want to work any more. I thought, "Hey, this is great. This will force me to downgrade and give up television. Now I will have time to do all the things that I need to get done." And while this is very very true, I still miss having television. 


I look at the empty black screen with longing, remembering all the shows that I used to watch. And then remembering all the basketball games that I will be missing now that I can't turn it on. Like a phantom limb, I go to turn it on when I sit on my couch and then remember that I will only be greeted with a blue screen.


However, amazingly, it seems like I have more hours in the day. Yesterday, I literally sat on my couch and could not figure out what to do with myself. There were several hours before I could reasonably go to bed and I had absolutely nothing I could think of doing to fill the time with. I was...dare I say it...bored. Don't get me wrong, there was plenty that I could have done, but none as mindless as turning on the television and letting it suck my time away without me even noticing it was happening.


I am not sure when I am going to get used to being without television. When the reflexive reach for the remote will go away. And when I will fill my days with doing things that are much more constructive. But until that moment happens, I can only say that right now things suck. I miss the endless noise that came from my television. Why did I ever think this was a great idea?

Hunters aren't half bad.

I was not sure if I would like being a hunter. It is ranged DPS, just like a mage (which I was trying to get away from), now I just have heavier armor. Don't get me wrong, I like the leather upgrade, but I was not entirely sure if the hunter was going to be a fit.

Well after getting up to level 43, I can safely say that the hunter class is not bad at all. I wanted to be different and not have a cat pet (because for some reason it feels like everyone has a cat as a pet.) so I tried to think of a pet that I don't see a lot of. And after looking at WoW Petopia for a while, I decided on a turtle. Yep, a turtle. I'm sure that others have turtles because it is a good tanking pet (so I have heard) but I don't see a lot of them. And at this point, I was tired of looking at my dragonhawk. I'm not going to get rid of him. I think it might be a good rp pet. However, I won't be questing with it any more. Now it is going to be me and Boomer. (I think that is an awesome name for a pet turtle)

However, I have this feeling that my  heart lies with a warrior. It is time to stop being a ranged fighter and just run up and wail on things. Part of me wants to make something totally different aside from a BE, because I don't think I can do the same quests over again. That would drive me insane. I am thinking troll, just because they have an interesting look. Or I could go undead. I played a bit of their starting area and it was pretty awesome. Plus, I think roleplaying an undead could be fun. We shall see.

But for now, I am enjoying being a hunter and having a pet. Just that a turtle is more of a pain to feed than a dragonhawk. Really? You don't eat meat? It's good for you.

Doodles

Not quite sure why I always feel the need to draw something difficult. I don't see why I can't just sketch something simple. So last night, I tried to something that was just that. Simple and easy to do. I decided to draw a goomba. Ah yes, that brings back memories, doesn't it? Jumping on those little fanged mushrooms that must have hated their lives, seeing how much they were scowling all the time. It was quick, it was fun and it wasn't something that made me throw my pencils at walls. (Which I tend to do from time to time).


I recently went out and bought some ink and brushes. Not quite sure when I am going to get around to inking like that, but I am hoping that it is in the near future. I heard something from the webcartoonist, Spike (Templar, Az) that made a lot of sense to me. She is now doing ink washes for her strip and she basically said that she was prepared to mess up what she had drawn with her ink wash. I suppose my problem is that I hate messing up. But to expect perfection when I'm new at it, is sort of ridiculous. I should probably just make little sketches and play around with the inks. If I mess up, so what? If I do well, I can celebrate.


Still playing around in Photoshop. There are several things that I want to learn, like masks and stuff like that. I had been using Dodge and Burn for shading and highlights, but I heard that masks were much better. Problem is, I don't know how to make or use them, though I can see how they work much better.


Another frustration I am having is that I can't draw the same face twice and that is really getting to me. I want to put some drawings together for a small project that I am doing over at Unsung Heroes. But it sort of hinges on me being able to draw the same person over and over again with different facial expressions and at different angles. I seem to be incapable of doing this. No two faces I draw are ever the same and that bugs the heck out of me. And I have no idea how to fix it.