A Surprising evaluation

I am probably going to sound like a broken record, seeing how I think I have already written about how easy it is to believe the worst about things. But I am going to write about it again. Because...well because I can. I had a sit down for a midterm evaluation. I was dreading this like no one's business. I was trying to come up with all the reasons why I was good enough. I already had my list ready to go in order to defend myself and why my entire class was better than me.

So the meeting starts and I am handed my folder. Wonderful, my evals. I never look at these things. Ignorance is bliss. But I open up the folder because I have no choice. I was absolutely bowled over when I saw all the high marks. What? I had impressed these people? How? Why? Me? The shock only continued when the evaluation continued and my only criticism was that I wasn't assertive enough. I was genuinely liked and told that I had an interesting personality but I didn't let people see enough of it.

Well that was not what I was expecting at all. Why do I always think that people are going to reject me? Why am I always scared that I am not going to measure up to everyone else? Why do I always think that I'm less? No one else seems to be thinking this, so why do I assume that they do? While I have no answers for any of these questions, it is still nice to be reminded that I'm not at the bottom of the barrel and I don't have to always feel like people think I'm less than.