Daily Write - In the Rain

Icy sheets of heavy rain poured noisily outside; the large droplets pelting against the windows like tiny fists hammering against the glass, trying to get in. There was nothing else aside from the sound of the constant rain. Time melted into the rainy darkness of the night. Nyla had just laid there, on her couch, listening to the harsh rain falling from the sky above. That and the rhythmic heart beat coming from Valnon's chest, right under her ear. A steady metronomic beat amidst that clattering noise outside.

Rain in the Eastern Kingdom was something that everyone here was used to. It fell in buckets from the grey skies relentlessly, drenching the landscape. It fell like greyish white curtains, so heavy you could barely see in front of you. Most nights, Nyla would sit up in her bed and stare out of her dark window, wondering how rain could be so loud. It was much different than the snows she had grown up with in the North. As her thoughts continued about the rain, Nyla's sinewy head rest rose as she felt fingers tracing through her hair.

"You let me fall asleep."

"You looked tired," Nyla responded, turning her head to see the clear blue eyes that were looking back at her. Blue eyes that she was certain would never look into her's again.

There were few words that passed between them. There really wasn't a need for them. It would have been a list of wishes and wants which neither had the luxury of being able to grant the other. Instead, they settled for silence and these few fleeting moments with each other. Moments that neither had believed were possible until tonight.

"You have done well for yourself, Nyla. I never thought I could be more impressed by you."

"I think you are just a bit biased."

Small attempts at normal conversation, as if normal was something that they could have one day. It was a pointless endeavor. They both knew it. And yet they pretended anyway. They made themselves forget the guards, the sentencing, the punishment if Valnon were to ever show his face again in the Eastern Kingdom's capitol city. In the noise of the rain, they both drowned out the reality that was around them.

Nyla sat up and pulled a few of the silvery strands of hair away from Valnon's face. She lightly pressed her lips against the deep craggy scar that traversed the length of Valnon's cheek. There were no words. None needed to be said. This was goodbye. Goodbye until the one of them found a way to change reality.

Extrovert Again?

So I would have to say that I describe myself as pretty extroverted. At least I used to be anyway. I was that girl who could chat it up with everyone. I was a no holds barred, full tilt type of person. Of course I had to get to know the person first before they got the full dose of my personality. People who had just met me would describe me as quiet, calm and to myself. My friends knew a whole lot better.

However, the past few years have caused all of that to do a complete 180. I don't think anyone who knows me would describe me as outgoing at all. In fact, I don't know there is anyone around me now who knows me well enough to describe me at all. (Outside of you, Legacy, if you are reading this). I just made myself okay with the huge change. Just adapted and moved on with life. Until just recently.

I found out last summer that when a person becomes stressed, they start acting in ways that is opposite of their natural personality. So if you are naturally an extroverted person, high stress will cause you to withdraw and become introverted. And my life has pretty much been a pressure cooker for years now. I had no idea that I was simply reacting to stress when I decided to hide myself away from the world. (I usually don't know when I'm stressed out until I finally crack and burst into tears). I had just accepted this as a new way of life. I was just going to be that person drifting in and out of the background. I would have to be okay with that. But slowly, those things started changing, and I'm not sure why.

It's like one day I woke up and decided, "I think I will talk to someone and make a joke." I made that joke and the person laughed at it. Then I decided to chat it up with another student that was working in the same place as me. Then a nurse and the list continues. It was like I could see my old extroverted self finally coming back. My old personality finally stepping out into the public eye and waving at everyone. Honestly, it felt good. It felt really really good. Let's see how long I am going to ride this wave.

Day Write - Man in the Woods

"Well that is a song that I haven't heard in quite a while."

Ariana froze a second, not knowing that anyone had heard her whistling. She had hoped this was the one place that no one would hear her. She quickly turned around to find a man walking out from amidst the trees, into the same clearing as she. He had old beat up straw basket attached to his back and clothes that could have walked to the river and watched themselves. His smile was large and showed gaps were teeth had been broken or were completely missing.

"I didn't know that anyone was listening. I thought I was by myself," Ariana stammered

"Well you were until a few minutes ago," the man replied, tromping closer to Ariana, "I was out on my daily walk and heard you whistling. Thought I would come by and see who it was. Been quite some time since I have heard anyone hum, whistle, or sing that song."

"You have heard it before?" Ariana asked, her eyes getting bigger. Perhaps this man had answers. At least one answer. Ariana would have settled for that or maybe pointing her in the direction where she could find answers.

"Of course. My grandmother used to sing it to me and my brothers all the time before we went to bed. Every night right before she tucked us in. People don't really sing it any more though. Almost like it died with all the old folk, you know."

Ariana rubbed her sweaty palms on the front of her pants. No one knew the song where she was from. She had always been told never to sing it, no matter how many times it played in her head. She never understood what was so wrong with it in the first place. At first, Ariana believed it was song that she made up. Something from her dreams that had remained after she woke up. That was until she was scolded for humming it. And scolded again for asking what was so wrong with it.

"Do you happen to know what the song is about? I never learned the lyrics and no one else I know seems to know them either."

The man tapped his chin, "Let me think. I'm sure my grandmother explained it at least once. It was something about the priestesses from the mountains who could wield the True Voice. Honestly, I never really paid attention to the words myself. It was just a nice little song to whistle."

Ariana paused, repeating the words out loud to herself, "...could wield the True Voice."

Daily Write - Turning Back Time

How long had it been? Decades perhaps. It had been long enough that I did not want to count it. However, nothing here had changed. Everything was exactly the way it was on the night I left it, right down to the candlesticks in the windows. The halls had the same empty echo at each step I took down the corridors. This place even smelled the same. Incense and wood polish.

No, the only thing that had changed in this passage of time was me. My steps are slower now, not as joyous and light as they once had been. My eyes not as bright and shimmery. A lot has happened and it seems the only thing that has changed is myself. I don't even recognize the people walking past me in these long corridors, lit only by the flickering flame of the candles in the windows.

I'm not sure why I came back here. What was I expecting? Perhaps I had hoped that being here would somehow transform me. Take me back to all of those years ago when my footfalls weren't as heavy and my eyes weren't as dim.

Daily Write- His Name was James

His name was James. I say was like it isn't any more. Like somehow he suddenly doesn't exist or James is no longer his name. I am not sure if I found James or if he found me, but fate had it so we were both together. I was needed a place to run to. He just so happened to have something that worked for me. He brought me to this place of his. A place where the world stops right at the edges and all who walk into it are no longer remembered by those on the outside. It was out in the middle of nowhere, not a thing to see for miles.

For most, something like that would sound terrifying. But not for me. And not for those people who found James or who James found. People like them, people like me, we want the world to forget us. We want to runaway and hide forever. And somehow, James made that possible. We were untouched by the world and all that was in it. Finally allowed to live in peace. And James never asks what it is that we are trying to escape from. He only opens his arms and carries us across the border from reality and into nothingness. Sweet nothingness.

I was on my way somewhere else when James brought me here. I fully believed that I could make my life in this place, with all the others who understood the way I felt. James made me feel like I could rebuild myself. He made us all feel like that. And for a time, I knew what a normal life felt like. To wake in the morning, do an honest day's work, have friends, sleep in a bed, really sleep, not simply doze for worry that something would happen if I slept too deeply. I no longer had to forge my way alone.

But for all the amazing things that James could do, he could not keep the world from finding me. His arms were not that wide and his hands were not that strong. The bubble that encapsulated our happy world was soon to break because of me. The world seeped through the fringes of this place, heading straight for me doorstep. It would not let me be forgotten. I cried when I found out that I would have to leave. James said he would protect me. He would keep me hidden. But I knew that I had stayed for as long as I was able. It was now time for me to run again.

I thanked James. Thanked him for allowing me to feel safe, even if it was only for a short time. But now he must forget me. Deny that he had ever laid eyes on me. Destroy anything that would prove as a clue that I was ever here. 'What would I do now?, was the question that he posed to me. I told him that I wasn't quite sure. Maybe run off into the mountains. Or head into the forests. Or finish the journey I started before I met him.

The world had remembered me, despite James' best efforts. I cried when I left. Because I knew that James was not that far behind me and those who depended on him to keep them hidden, to keep them forgotten, would be remembered once again. And it would be my fault.

The End of 2011

So another year is on it's way out. Feels like time just keeps flying. I can honestly say that 2011 has been quite the rollercoaster ride. It started with me at my worst and then slowly climbing up to one of the best days I have had in quite some time. I made friends with people that I never expected. I achieved the goal that I set out to do at the beginning of the year. And that was to finally take some of those projects I had set on the back burner and start doing them. Looking back, I feel like things have come about full circle and ended this year in a much better place than what I started it in.

I'm still not making an huge resolutions this year. I feel like just by doing that, I have already set myself up to fail. Instead, like last year, I have a list of goals. Goals that I have had for quite some time, just never made them priorities. I find that to be a simpler way for me to get things done. Some how whenever I add fanfare and pomp and declare to the world what I have set out to do, I fall short. However, when I just get up and do something, it's more likely to get done. *shrugs* I don't understand it either. I have just decided not to fight it. So let's get this done in 2012.

I do have to say that I got a lot of inspiration from a person who goes by the name EdeMonster, the Healthy Gamer. He has just about every social network available, so if you are reading this, then you should go and look him up. Anyway, he decided about a year ago that he was going to get himself in shape. And he has his before and after pictures. Honestly, it looks like two different people.It was quite impressive to look at. I think I am ready for that to be me. To wake up and decide, "yeah, let's get to this for real." because let's face it, I'm not going to ever have free time in my life ever again. Might as well figure out how to spin these plates the best I can.

If I am tired of the way something is, the only answer is to change whatever bugs me to what I want it to be. I'm not fooling myself into thinking that what I am purposing to do is going to be any small feat. That would be stupid of me. However, I know that simply standing still and wishing is just as daft. So my goal for 2012: To change. To continue what was started in 2011 and become more.

So how do I feel about 2011? I feel good. I crossed a good number of milestones, enough to be satisfied with and proud of. How do I feel about 2012? I've got things to do, things to accomplish, projects to finish. I'm ready to get it started.

Leaving a Legacy Behind

People talk about leaving a legacy behind, but do any of us really know how to do that? Do any of us really believe that we, as one person, can cause such an impact that our fingerprint will be left on the world for years after we have left it? Or are people largely like me, thinking that those who have made a legacy for themselves are larger than life and we could never hope to do something as great. I suppose a bit of that kind of thinking changed for me right before Thanksgiving.

It changed because of a single woman named, Dr. Pamela Williams, MD. She wasn't on the national news. She didn't invent a new surgical technique. There is no equation that is going to be named after her. But the ripples of the legacy that she left behind will be felt for years to come, even though the people who are benefiting may not even know it.

There were many of us out there. Us meaning students who medical school was beating up and we had given up. Given up on everything. We were ready to pack it up and call it quits. And in many other institutions, the administration would have called it quits on us too. But Dr. Williams saw more than numbers. She saw us. She saw potential. And as long as we had enough in us to continue on, she would do everything in her power to make sure that we reached our dreams of being a physician. How many of us would not have made it across that line, had it not been for this woman? I shudder to think.

Two days before Thanksgiving, Dr. Williams passed away from breast cancer. The entire school reeled. She had been our bright beacon of hope. Sitting in that chair, telling us that we could do it. Telling us that she believed in us and was invested in seeing us succeed. She made you want to make her proud. Ever since last March, I had been planning what I was going to say to her when I finally walked across the stage. But now, I won't get to tell her. It would have gone something like:

Dean Williams, I can't tell you how much you believing in me helped to get me to this point. When we first met, you told me that you were invested in seeing me get across the stage. Honestly, I thought you were full of it. I didn't think that anyone in your position would care that much about one student. But you proved me wrong. You proved me wrong on numerous occasions. You were strong when I wasn't. You had enough belief in my abilities to carry the both of us. You and your staff are the main reason that I am standing up here, realizing the dream that I have worked so long for. There are no words to express my gratitude. I promise to make you proud of me.

There are many like me. Those who would not have made it if not for her. People who would have not been cared for, because we weren't there to fill that role as a physician. Lives that we would have not been able to change if it had not been for that woman.

That is the type of legacy I wish to leave when I am gone from this world. People don't have to know my name. They don't have to know my face. But if something I started expands beyond me and touches lives of thousands, then that is something that I can be proud of doing. So that is what I have set myself out to do now, somehow, in some way. Dean Williams, I am going to make you proud of me.