My birthday is coming up pretty soon. The first thing I thought was, "My God, I am getting old. How many things was I supposed to do have accomplished by now? How many things were supposed to be finished by now? And yet I am still here, in this spot. So many others have past me? Another year has come and gone and what do I have to show for it?"
But for the first in a long time, that thought did not stick around long enough to have any impact. I sat and thought about all things that have finally gone right for me since my last birthday. I have slowly started putting back the pieces of my actual life and am beginning to learn how live again. How to be me again. How to be extroverted again. How to finally stop hiding behind these walls that keeps me away from everyone else.
I feel like I actually have some sort of intangible purpose, as cliche' as that sounds. I feel like for once the big picture that I fit into is starting to focus. No, I don't know what it is. I really wish I did. But I know that it something that I am supposed to do. Something that I am meant to do. So that means that even with the setbacks, things aren't over for me. Not by a long shot. And this is a different feeling than I had from last year. Last year, when I cried on my couch, thinking that things would never get better. If I had been any more down, I would sank through the floor.
No, I am not the shining beacon of success. Not yet. Sure, I am still climbing that mountain of ambition and dreams. But the point is that I'm still climbing. The point is I haven't given up. The point is, despite a year passing, I'm still here. Better than before, stronger that before, daring to push harder, dream bigger and aim higher. I no where near close to everything that I want to be. But I closer to it than I was a year ago.
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