I have always wondered why it is so hard to let go of negative things? Why do we keep things that haunt us so close to us? Why can't we just forget them? Let them stay in the past where they belong? What purpose do we have of reliving those moments over and over again?
This is something that I seem to have trouble with even now. Granted, it is not as bad as it once was. There were days when dredging up certain parts of my past would cause me to tearfully doubt my future. To curl up on my couch and question everything that I was and wonder what the point to continuing on even was. I could never understand why I constantly tortured myself by reliving all of my upsets and short comings over and over again. And I continued to do it, making myself feel worthless and low. Now when those same dark times come, they don't really last all that long. I remind myself that I made it through and I can't go back and change anything from my past anyway. I can only move forward and live life. No need to wallow in things that can't be undone.
But why is that so hard? Why does it take so long to shrug off all that past hurt and upset and move along with life? It took me a while and it took effort. It wasn't something that just happened when I woke up one morning. It was an active process for me to be okay. And it is process that is still continuing. Something that I have to make conscientious effort to make sure never to fall into again. I feel like it shouldn't take so much to forget what hurts and remember what brings joy. And yet it does.
I can't understand why I did such things to myself. All I know is that I never want to relive such a thing as that ever again. And if it takes effort on my part, then so be it.
The things that hurt us most seem to always leave a scar that sears into our very being with more intensity then the brightest days or memories. Its as if the pain always seems to make a more lasting impact to us then the good, and it can be difficult to combat against. I am proud that you were able to fight it back to where you are now desy, and I believe in you that you can keep it at bay and continue to thrive like you have now.
ReplyDeleteI too have been through some dark times, and unlike you I am only just beginning to fight back from them. I know all too well how difficult it can be to get out of bed when there seems to be no reason, no drive to do so, and yet you do it. I know just how much it matters to work at being happy, because I myself have been working hard to do the same now.
Remember though that there are always friends who are here for you when you are in your darkest and deepest depths, who are willing to stand at the edge with you and pull you back with loving words or embrace. Its at our darkest when we often want to be alone, but also when those that matter to us can help most. Don't forget about those of us who care when those fleeting moments come. I know all too well from my own dark moments how much it matters.