Uncertain

I feel like I'm at this odd point in my life. I wish I had the words to explain it, but I really don't. It feels like treading water, like I am just doing something while I wait for the next big thing to happen. But I have no idea what that big thing is. It is just there, looming just outside of my perception. But I know it is coming. So all I can do is just wait...wait for it to happen and change everything.

And I don't think I have ever felt more disconnected than I do right now. All my classmates, present and past are gone. Off doing other things. It is just me now. Outside of my family, I don't really talk to anyone. At least not face to face. I go to work and come home. Nothing in between. And for some reason, now I am really feeling that void, that nothing. I can't say that it makes me sad or depressed or anything like that. I just notice it more.

My whole life is in flux and I can't do anything about it. A chapter is heading towards the end and a new one is beginning. But the swirl that is happening right now is...uncomfortable. I feel very much out of control. Things scare me. Doubt, anxiety, worry, all waiting in the dark corners at the back of my mind like traps for me to fall into.

I'm just treading water, just waiting and waiting.