The Quest Begins

Feels like I make this decision all the time. I sit down and take an inventory of my life and decide what it is that needs to be tweaked, rearranged or just plain gotten rid of. But there are some things that I am afraid to say out loud for fear that I will fail. And the fact that I said it will come back and haunt me. So, I don't say them and if I fail, then no one would be the wiser.

But that is probably the wrong approach to a challenge, planning for your failure instead of imagining success. Always thinking "Well, you tried this once and you are still in the same spot you were in before. Not quite sure why you think it is going to be different this time around." But, despite the doubts, I am going to make my decision to do this anyway. And perhaps writing about it will help it stick this time around.

I'm not doing anything novel or something that thousands have not done before. I am aiming for a happier, healthier, improved me. There, I said it. I am looking for a head to toe, inside and out, improvement of everything. I know it sounds like a pretty large order (and that's because it is) but I'm up for the challenge. And here is why.

A year from now I will be ending a chapter in my life that has been pretty long and will be starting something new, in a new place. And I want to start this chapter in my life being happy and healthy and at my best. I am a bit tired of wishing that something miraculous would happen and I would suddenly be healthier. It is time to put in the work and head towards that goal.

So I suppose if I should just be frank about everything. Right now, I am just not happy with anything. I'm overweight, diabetic, pre-hypertension, always feel tired, still have break outs even though I left puberty a long time ago, hair has broken off because of stress and me generally not taking care of it, and this is just the physical part of things.

Recently I have had to deal with depression, anxiety, being overly introverted and the general feeling of being locked away from the world. And I am only doing it myself because I have this fear of...something. Rejection, not fitting in? Who knows. But I'm tired of it. I am quite tired of all of it. I am ready for something different.

So here is the start I suppose. My quest return to a happy and healthy me that I left behind some years ago. And just keep pushing until I get there.